Sometimes when I think back On the days and years gone by I sit here and relive all the sadness All The pain and tears I've cried I have Lived day to day just for a sign That love wouldn't pass me by And time after time I realized I had to act like I was ok just to survive Spent so many years pretending and Hiding the pain inside But the truth that I am facing now Is something I just can't hide I surround myself with faces But I'm still alone inside thinkin of what was, what is, and what could have been in time I look in the mirror and don't recognize who I see and in the ultimate irony of aLL Is that even my reflection seems to laugh at me So I spend some nights looking for a cure In whatever the bartender has to sell I daydream of heaven But live in a private hell If you asked me what I am all about I would not know what to say I awaken every morning with a heart that's filled with doubt And at night I live in nightmares And my soul dies a little more every day I've lived through bruises and unbearable pain Buried babies along the way Gave everything that I had to give Just to watch it get thrown away I spend Every single moment Trying to protect my tear-stained heart Wondering how to smile again But I don't know where to even start Day after day I feel myself falling A little lower than before And I sit here and wonder What in the world I've been fighting for I spend most of my time pretending Acting like I'm alright And if they were handin out Oscars I bet you I'd win one tonight For fifteen long years I have struggled To hang on to a dream that has died I've fought through the fire And been burned by the flames Silently watching my soul as it dies So I will take down that whiskey bottle And pour it tall and strong Cuz' Tonight I am gonna drown out the heartache And Dull the pain I've felt for so long Don't bother trying to call tonight Because right now, This is where I belong I'm spending the night with Jim Beam And I don't really give a damn if it's wrong ******************* just something I wrote recently.