For nearly three years, her blond head could be seen from time to time asleep on my couch, under the blanket in my son's room while he worked on his computer or played guitar. We talked about clothes and shopped together. We texted one another to check in from time to time. She ate at my house and we laughed together. She liked chicken... especially chicken ceasar salad. She didn't have a varied or tolerant palette. She stuck to what she liked and she knew what she liked. She was such a girl. She liked pink. She liked rhinestones. She liked her car- a late-model used Mustang that she totalled last March. She liked cream-based carmel frappaccinos from Starbucks. She drank Diet Coke. She liked sequins. She liked purses. I gave her a few. I helped my son shop for her for various special events like birthdays, Christmases and the anniversaries they celebrated- 1 month, 6 months, 1 year since their first date, 1 year, 2 years and such. They had lots of special days. She often wore her hair in a ponytail on top of her head with a ribbon tied round it carelessly. Her silky straight yellow hair slipping out here and there. She had back pain from a car accident she was in as a child. She had her tonsils out last year. She got headaches and cramps. She was always getting jobs. I always recommended her to work to anyone who would call. She had a turned up nose. She wore makeup always, but in a way that was never too much. It always looked good. She had the best smile. She called me "bug" (in the "cute as a bug" kind of way) as an endearment. She a teenager, me a Mom. She gave me cards on Mother's Day. She poked fun at my son and didn't take his bossiness. Today, I wish she had taken it more. He knew she was in trouble. He tried to help. He helped her in school, he helped her understand math and soon she was getting As. If she needed something for a project in school, he'd go to the store and take it to her. He fixed her computer when it crashed. He gave her his old laptop- the one he bought with his own earnings from a summer job two years before- when he got a new one for high school graduation as he prepared to go to college. She baked him cookies. She gave him love. She was a shoulder to him when his grandfather got terminally ill and passed away. She was empathetic and caring when he found himself struggling as his own parents separated and their focus turned from making a world that was perfect as possible for him to just trying to make sense of their world- all the while loving him, but not being who they were "supposed to be". She was kind to me when he wouldn't talk about it. She would say, "He's just trying to deal with it. He loves you." She hugged him and called him "baby". He called her "babba-loo". She gave him a photograph of the two of them which was always nearby... when he went to college, it was always with him. He and she had a tumultuous year and half when he left for college. It's hard when two are apart. He was getting used to college life and its commitments and activities. Her parents' divorce weighed heavily on her but she had other demons. Many nights my son was on the phone with her for hours- talking, lecturing, imploring. I never overheard about what- I tried not to invade their space. He's a private person. But come what may, they transcended difficulty after difficulty... it wasn't perfect- what is?- but it was their relationship. I love him and I love whom he loves. So I love her. But I would have loved her anyway, I'm sure. They broke up for a minute and a half once over a year ago. They had a rocky road over the distance sometimes- but it wasn't the distance. It was her demons chasing her. I don't know what they were. Maybe it was youth. Maybe it was trying to escape a painful reality by whatever means. My son and his sweet girlfriend finally broke up romantically sometime after Valentine's Day. But they still cared for one another. He still came home from college to be in some of her Senior pictures. They still loved one another... I knew this. I knew he still loved her. I knew she still loved him. But they both understood why they were apart. I knew, though he never said, that her demons- whatever they were and however she dealt with them- were too much for him. He couldn't stand to watch her self-destruct. Yet today, I am in disbelief. Our little blond haired, big smile, beautiful eyes, teasing, good natured girl has left this world. She died last night... just 18 years old. I miss you already, my girl. My son misses you. We are heartbroken. You will always be loved... always be missed. We don't know the exact circumstances of your passing... and it is a mystery I am not eager to have revealed. The fact that you are gone is enough. I am sorry this world was so hard for you to breathe in. I am sorry that we of this world couldn't hug you tightly enough to keep you from slipping through the crack into the great abyss. God bless you, dear sweet girl. We love you, little one.