A word of warning, this may be distasteful to those of a religious nature as it is so irreverently tongue-in-cheek.... Back to the Drawing Board (or the trials and tribulations of an inept God) It was a good plan, really it was. I just don't know how it could go so wrong. I'd spent a long time in making it, well, six days doesn't seem so long now, when you compare it to eternity. But that was construction, not really the planning stage. I mean, think about it, guy, girl, paradise, what could possibly go wrong? Snakes and apples, snakes and apples... It's such a pretty fruit, lovely colour red, nice taste, although personally, I think the peach was my best effort. I can't believe they thought they could improve on that! Nectarines Phhhhfffff! It's supposed to tickle! Tickling is good, I mean why else would they have stolen the concept and made velvet? Copycats! (Although I do admit to repeating myself, with a horse's nose, ever pet one? Gosh it feels good!) Guess chalking it up to dim minds from too much inbreeding is the only explanation. Ok ok, you got me there, I have to fess up on that one, it was a bad idea to start with just two. I mean look at the size of the gene pool, no choice but to do your sister (or mom). I tried to fix that whole episode when I talked to that long bearded fellow, (he sure was impressed by that burning bush trick!) I had him dash off several mandates and all that, but that was the big one. "Don't pork your sister anymore" I have to give him credit, he did pretty up the words a bit, but I here there are still parts of the deep south where they ain't listening to that one too well yet. Snakes and apples, snakes and apples! And who would have thought they'd breed like friggin rabbits! I mean look what they've done to my planet, bunch of no account litterbugs messing the whole thing up. The rabbits were a cool trick, weren't they? I mean that nose twitching thing is pretty cute, if you ask me. I suspect it's that whole free will deal. But geeeze, without that I'd have to be holding their hands every minute. And to tell the truth, I am not much interested in doing that. You ever see where they put them fingers? I have, right up the nose! Ain't gonna catch me holding hands with them bugger fingered dim wits. Snakes and apples, Snakes... You know, I kinda feel sorry for the snake. I mean, I wasn't right there when it went down, and a lot of finger pointing going on at the time. I'm not sure he was all that guilty. I mean just because he is so sinuous doesn't mean he's really shifty, he just kind of looks the part. Yea yea yea, I've heard that rumor too, he had legs and to get back at him I took them away. WRONG! I mean, I was so proud of the fact he didn't have legs to begin with, I don't know why they had to go and start that story. Not that it's all been bad, I mean, they have their moments. Take that Caedmon fellow. He had a way with words; Now hymn we aloud the Lord of Heaven, Praise His wisdom and wonderful power, The glorious works of the great Creator, How the Father Eternal founded this world. First He set for the sons of men, Heaven to roof them. The Holy Ruler, The King of Mankind, then cast the foundations Of earth in the midst, and made thereafter Land for the living, the Lord almighty. Good, isn't he? I mean he referred to me six times in the space of nine lines, and never called me by the same name twice. I know, I've heard that too, "divine intervention" but I swear, I didn't put him up to it, really! I can just hear you saying, "Of course you like his work, he's talking about you". Ok, let me clue you just a bit here, "In my image". See, I had to start somewhere, and as I was right here, I decided to use me as model. So you all come by that "it's all about you" feeling naturally, it's kind of built in. Although Eve did coin the phrase, just bitter grapes on her part, muttered it as she left paradise. I guess she was taken with the phrase too, because women have been saying it ever since. Apples, snakes and apples Now what I want to know, is who put that fellow up to saying that "God is dead" deal?!?!?! Jesus, do I look dead to you? Oops, sorry kid, it's just a turn of phrase! Man, kids never let you live down your mistakes, do they? He throws that one up to me every time. I took it back, didn't I? Don't know what the big deal is. I mean, look at kids now-a-days. They pierce everything. But I'm not going to make that mistake again, well, it wasn't really a mistake, I mean I'm omnipotent, I don't do mistakes, but next time there is going to be an "no back talk to the parental unit" gene built right in. Oh yea, there's gonna be a next time. Not that I didn't get it right the first time, I've just had some times on my hands lately, and I've been thinking... I'm going to use the red planet; there's water there, I mean people have been passing that story around for years anyway. Although I've always been partial to blue, ohhhhhh, little blue men... sounds good to me! YZ 06-10-08