Daddy's Rules by VelvetMoxie

Poser • Humor • posted on Jul 26, 2008

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Description

Rule One: If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up. Rule Two: You do not touch my daughter in front of me (and I am everywhere.) You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter’s body, I will remove them…this is why I carry a Leatherman. Rule Three: I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are morons. In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of the date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist, and while I’m at it, I’ll take the opportunity to secure your zipper as well. Rule Four: I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without using a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you. Rule Five: It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is “early.” Rule Six: I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long it is okay with my Grace. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I make you cry. Rule Seven: As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? On second thought, you’re a moron, don’t touch my car. Rule Eight: The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are sofas, beds, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and my old down hunting jacket - zipped up to her throat. Remember, I have field-dressed elk ten times your size…with a pen knife. You are not a challenge. Rule Nine: Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a middle-aged, gray-headed, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth. I purchased a shotgun when I learned I we were having a baby girl. Do not trifle with me. Rule Ten: Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to drift back a few years and mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a hostile drive-by vehicle. Whenever I hear engines at night, the voices in my head tell me to clean my weapons. As soon as you pull into the driveway relay in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. Have a nice time!

Comments (27)

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kelvinhughes

9:18AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

wtg maxine most excellent well done

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Elsina

9:20AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

LOL, well done, great character!

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clam73

9:21AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

ROTFLOL....this is cool....excellent! :-)

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Mannie

9:26AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Cool, you forgot to mention bearded canadians lol ;)

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flaviok

9:31AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Esplendida realização , excelente trabalho minha amiga, aplausos (5)

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thecytron

9:33AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Most Xcellent modeling work! Very good character development! Great render!

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magnus073

10:00AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Very cool pic Maxine and the list of rules and do's and dont's is so classic. The pants deal is especially true as that drives me crazy and most of the little idiots don't even know the meaning of why their worn that way or they'd stop at once.

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PIERRE25

10:39AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Excellent travail, joli texte également!

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sandraz63

10:59AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

LOL Gotta love Daddy's Rules on dating, Awesome image and rules for any Man to follow... Excellent work!!!!

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Eldeago

11:11AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

lol my pop wasn't quite as big lol he was a jockey, and cook, and pest control forman, and a dozen other things. He always kept us 8 kids fed though. Nice image.

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Wolfmanw

11:16AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Excellent Image. Superb Character, skin textures, pose, expression, lighting, background and love the story

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brycek

11:27AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

Fantastic character Maxine..well done!!

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eekdog Online Now!

11:37AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

great looking male subject Maxine, he has a similar look with someone i used too work with many years ago, his name was hector. great setting also hon. lol steve

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angelbearzs

11:38AM | Sat, 26 July 2008

that is awesome image :)

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Elfykins

12:04PM | Sat, 26 July 2008

lol...those are Mommas rules around my house.... my daughters have a fit when they bring boys home because I have some very sharp, large old fashioned hedge clippers and I show them to every oboy they bring home and ask them if they know what a eunuch is....Momma don't play....

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