Rollin On The River by beachzz

Writers • Realism • posted on Jun 22, 2009

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Description

Rollin On The River Forward two He shouts One more Stop Forward right Back left Turn Hard Yeah that’s it We got that one One more Comin White water Fast cold Dangerous FUN Next one Class 4 Pay attention Tricky Go now This is it Paddle right Hard Watch out Left back Right forward NOW Gotta listen Hard to hear The water Roars Go now Paddle hard All forward FAST And then It’s done We float Down the river 6/21/09

Comments (13)

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TallPockets

1:40AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

GREAT pic and words, beachzz!! Looks like FUN, indeed! (Old TallPockets has OFTEN been told HE does NOT have BOTH of his oars in the water!) WINK. My BEST to you and yours, KIND SOUL. T.P.

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Chipka

2:08AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

Fantastic picture and words, I love the almost military sound of the orders barked...but without the "kill the bad guys" sort of urgency. Great rhythm and brevity. More fantastic work. More great, evocative writing.

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SusiQ

2:45AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

Oh yeah! Could feel the rush and splash as you race down the rapids. Choppy words keep the imagery clear. Great write. My first impression as I saw your title was that CCR song as it floated into my brain.. What a surprise when I read the poem :o)

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anahata.c

2:51AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

well from all I know of these journeys, you got the sense of immediacy and absolute 'now'...I know these trips tell you to live in the absolute now, looking ahead (to be prepared) but always being utterly present. I take it, that's one of the powers of these trips, ie, a chance to cast off the past & future—those ever present burdens—and feel utterly alive right now. That's what your poem conveys, never a lulled moment, always being 'called', and then———whoosh, you're done and you just float away...Lovely. Makes me want to do this. I'm so happy you took this trip again this year!

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durleybeachbum

3:12AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

Terrific! Exactly evokes what it must be like, clever writing!

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bmac62

4:50AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

You've done it!!! My last time on the river (white water rafting) was probably 25-30 years ago and this reading put me instantly right back in the boat bundled up in a big, bulky life jacket with oar in hand madly attempting to do everything commanded by the guide/helmsman in the back of the raft. And then you puctuated the whole experience with that gentle, relaxing moment when the white water goes almost perfectly calm after the rapids and you are floating on a mirror. What a ride.

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photostar

6:15AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

I suppose one really has to pay attention to the one shouting the orders. Or it's all overboard for everyone.

PD154

8:23AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

Excellent to outline the fun time like this in verse, nice one sweetie!

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auntietk

9:11AM | Mon, 22 June 2009

Your writing style is PERFECTLY suited to white-water rafting! I never would have been able to tell you that before, but it's quite obvious to me now, and I wonder why I hadn't seen it. Spectacular poem!

thevolunteer

1:03PM | Mon, 22 June 2009

Great action shot. I went down Horse Rapids in Japan. But, nothing quite like this. Aloha

bebert

1:20PM | Mon, 22 June 2009

verty nice shot

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