Those who know me from when I first came here in 2005, know that I write, usually poetry. Today however, I have this mini story for your perusal. Thanks for looking and for any comments you care to leave are most appreciated. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Always Always on the outside looking in Always the last to know Always the fool... Her name is Jade. Hot, angry tears slid down her face as she perused the past few years of her life. She cried for all the lost time, time spent waiting, waiting for what she wondered now. Putting all the pieces together she realized that whatever she imagined she was waiting for had never happened, would never happen. How does one mourn lost time when one is the fool who lost it? Hours and hours of anticipation that in the end were spent with nothing gained...nothing but the pain of knowing that she is in fact, on the outside looking in. While she waited, life passed her by, others loved, laughed, lived and only pretended to let her in. She didn't fit and hard as she tried to enter, she remained on the outside. Hello, how are you, have to run, I'm busy, hollow words sent her way as each one passed her by. What was wrong with her? Why was she always alone, always waiting, always only a shadow moving slowly thru their world and they never entering into hers. Never turning the light on in her, reducing her to further darkness. Keeping her on the outside looking in. No one understood, no one tried, no one answered her questions and still she waits. Hoping that one day they will open the door and let her in, embrace her with love and light. Is it all an illusion? Is she really the one on the outside or has she put them on the outside, making them look in with no hope of entry? She doesn't know, but doesn't think so. As she peruses this the phone rings. 'Hello Jade' a voice whispers, 'Know where he was last night?' A soft click in her ear makes fear rise in the pit of her stomach but she pushes it away. Thinking to herself 'its just a prank call', she knew he was at work. That night as she waits for him to come home, the phone rings and as she answers, a soft whisper of 'Don't wait dinner on him, he won't be there'. In a demanding tone she says 'Who is this? I don't appreciate this, please don't call again!' and hangs up the phone. The dinner time comes and goes and still he isn't home...Nearly midnight now and the phone rings 'I told you so' said the now dreaded whisper. Before she can reply there is again the soft click and the line disconnects. In the morning she realizes he hasn't come home and he hasn't called. Fear rises now for real and new pain...'Always the last to know' screams in her mind and with shaking hands she picks up the phone. She calls him at work. He says they worked so late that he just stayed at the office and slept on the couch. 'I didn't call because I didn't want to wake you.' The next Saturday she has an appointment in a neighboring town. She arrived a little early so stops at a cafe. Lost in thought she gazes out the window. Across from the cafe is a motel, as she watches a couple emerges from one of the rooms hand in hand, totally immersed in each other. She gasps as she realizes its him, with her, one of her 'friends'.Too stunned to move she watches as they get in a car and drive away. After her appointment she drove to the lake, sat and tried to get some understanding. 'What happened? Why did he do this?'When she got home it was late and he wasn't home. Jade called him at work and when the recorder answered, she whispered 'Always the last to know.' Later she felt him slip into bed beside her but feigned sleep so he would not know she was awake. Sunday morning she awoke to find a note 'I've gone to finish a presentation for Monday morning, back soon.' As she drinks her morning coffee she is unaware that she is crying. Realization sets in that this same thing has happened many times before over the years, but she had believed the lies, believed he loved her and would never hurt her, trusted him without question. And now she knew she had 'always been the fool'. She was indeed always on the outside looking in, always the last to know and always the fool. With determination she wiped away the tears and vowed ' I will no longer be on the outside looking in, I will no longer be the last to know and I will no longer be the fool. She packed a bag, wrote a note, and as she walked out the door she dropped it on the floor. It read "Goodbye Love, I am no longer on the outside looking in, I am no longer the last to know and I am no longer the fool. I gladly give you to the other woman. Now she will always be on the outside looking in, always be the last to know and always be the fool. But if fate plays a better hand, it will be you who is the recipient of these things. Goodbye Love, Now I am free. Thank you for this gift you unknowingly gave to me. A fictional scenario, or is it? written by Lynn Smith (9/03/07)