Raskel by tennesseecowgirl
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Description
This is Raskel, she is nine years old and spoiled rotten like any good cat should be. A friend of mine from California sent me this joke and for anyone with a cat that has had to give it medication you will relate, I can remember giving Raskel some prescriptions I had to sit on a chair hold her on her back with my legs around her, hold her head with one arm to keep her still and force the thing to take the pill she fought me every time we went through that scene every night for about two weeks, I showed her who was boss. I had the scratches to prove it. I hope you read the joke and laugh as much as I did.. Have a super day!
How to Give a Cat a Pill
1. Pick up cat and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby.
Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth, pop pill into mouth.
Allow cat to close mouth and swallow.
2. Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa.
Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.
3. Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.
4 Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm, holding rear paws tightly with left hand
Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.
5. Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe.
Call spouse in from the garden.
6. Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws.
Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.
7. Retrieve cat from curtain rail.
Get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.
8. Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit
Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw
9. Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans and have a stiff drink to take taste away. Apply band-aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.
10. Retrieve cat from neighbor's shed.
Get another pill. Have another drink. Place cat in cupboard, and close door onto neck, to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.
11. Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Have two more drinks
Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus shot. Apply alcohol compress to cheek to disinfect. Toss back some more shots. Throw tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.
12. Call fire department to retrieve the damn cat from the top of the tree across the road. Apologize to neighbor who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat.
Take last pill from foil wrap.
13. Using heavy-duty pruning gloves from shed, tie the little *%^'s front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of filet steak. Be rough about it. Hold head vertically and pour two pints of water down throat to wash pill down.
14. Drink everything left in the house. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room. Sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.
15. Arrange for RSPCA to collect mutant cat from hell and call local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.
How To Give A Dog A Pill
1. Wrap it in bacon.
2. Toss it in the air.
Comments (98)
J5ive
Beautiful close up shot!! Funny stuff!
BertDes
Beautiful capture.
1010
Kitty looks like he's about to pounce on something, beautiful feline!
Hendesse
Excellent portrait of this beautiful cat.
zoren
nobody likes to take their medicine! nice shot!
ansgar2
WOW........
sandra46
superb image, great work! and a terrific story! ;-D
cosmoz
Too funny, my wife's cat is 10 years old, the terror of my sleeping efforts, I owe my need for meds on the chunky fellow! lol I wouldn't mind so much if think I WAS The boss... GREAT GRAHIC!!!
moochagoo
I feel like a mouse :)))
wysiwig
Are you trying to kill us Lynell? We've got to breath sometime! Very, very funny and very, very true. I once hid a pill in a bowl of my cat's favorite food. I came back to find all the food gone and pill, untouched, sitting in the middle of the bowl. I finally resorted to a syringe device purchsed from the vet where the pill was held where the needle would have been. Insert in mouth, push plunger, worked everytime.
rayag
Lovely cat and presentation!
farmerC
This is exellent work.
boobunny
ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is funny, thanks for sharing it. And cute pic of Raskel!
grylin
LOL :P cute cat tho :D
watapki66
Wonderful shot!
daggerwilldo
You captured CAT attitude beautifully. What a pretty cat
Kaartijer
Wow! This is an amazing cat portrait!
clbsmiley
LoL::) ;0 Pretty kitty!!! Great Joke... LOL :)
FriedaFelicia
She is beautiful and you have captured her very well. She reminds me of my own Charlotte. She had exactly the same colours. Unfortunately, she passed away already many years ago.
wild_child
Beautiful!!
lyron
Wonderful cat!!
smittan
"Wonderful Portrait !!
Richardphotos
I would not under any circumstances try to give any pills to a cat.heck, I will not have a cat.cute lady cat
Chipka
Ah, the joys of cat medication! Yeah, I love the fact that dogs are so much easier to medicate as well! I'm still laughing at that! A great joke at night is just what I needed! As for this picture! WOW! It's marvelous. I love the details and the color and the intensity of those eyes. Cat's eyes are amazing! And speaking of cats: here's a weird fact. It seems that purring is also a part of a cat's way of getting exercise while doing absolutely nothing. Ah, but cats are quite efficient and if someone finds a way to get exercise while not exercising a cat would do it. This is superb work!
A_Sunbeam
Handsome cat!
KatesFriend
Well Raskel is quite beautiful. I'm sure she's not that bad and even if she is - its your fault! Love the joke,
beatoangelico
beautiful portrait...lovely image.!!!
Hubba1
LOL, I love it, and true :) Very cool cat shot!
three_grrr
Sadly, it isn't a joke. I am here to tell you it is the raw, ugly, unvarnished truth. Except my cat stayed with us and continued to rule the house with an iron paw, giggles. Even the dog obeyed her. You go Raskel, you are one awesome kitty-kat!!
Orinoor
Rascal is a beauty, wonderful shot. I laughed out loud at your joke, because it is so true!