New laptop is running and I will test programs for ute a couple hours a day. There is no hurry ,I am the one who puts the stress on myself. once a doctor said to me I was an adrenaline junkie,in my job I overproduced adrenaline and gave always the best, I restructured whole stocks,shipping receiving strategies and..and.. and all that full on adrenaline like beeing on good crystaline speed (wich I was in my younger life,not too much damage done except in my brain) but there on the job on a daily base,no surprise that I got burned out and at the end I was unable to communicate with customers anymore I just hated them ,lol,not their fault but I came to a point I could not stand anyone anymore except myself. Then the shat hit the fin with utes daughters fatal accident (1996),the same year the big spirit let this gruesome thing happen,he/she/it made me a great gift on the other hand so to speak. I got sacked!!. Sacked a gift??are you crazy rené?? Wait wait I explain. I got sacked,fell into a deep mental hole,produced more adrenaline,went down on the booze and fell flat on my nose. Gladly Ute was there to hold me and after a year we moved to Spain,a risky thing to do,me having my invalidity pension only on a provisory base,and a lot of big building companys running away with the customers money and leaving them in the shat. We had protection from the big one I presume as our house got constructed and we finally moved in around xmas 1997. After we moved in there was not much to do except maintaining the house and surroundings. I played around on other peoples pcs to pass the time and went down on the booze again,depressions no self esteem ,I went down a long and winding road believe me. A couple of blackouts and predeliriums later in 2008,I stumbled over bryce and daz and got hooked,quit the booze and here I am fresh and clean as a baby(except my pot-smoking lol). And I will come to the point,someone or something lead me to this community where I got accepted with open arms and in these 3 years I met some wonderful people here ,some even live and in real this year in las vegas.and more in the years to come. In the time when I freaked out I really freaked and hit the roof,went through into orbit. Now I know a place where I can have and also give comfort and this place is the wonderful community here. I think we should be grateful to live in a time and place where we can be together through the fine communication devices and media we have at our hands. Enough soft talk for now,lets get back to rrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeender.

July Update 04 tenesseecowgirl -Lynell 08 Julchen aka Julisonne 11 jac204 14 missblue Mona 18 nefertiabet Elke 20 rhanagaz - Johnny 23 PeterN64 24 Schaefchen Manni 25 J5ive - Johnny 27 heavensblonde -julie aka jules 29 zil2008 - Liz 29 Drifterlee aka Sherrie 31 Alida

Fantastic scene =)!

A splendid scene, Rene and a very fine soul revelations! I could not begin to imagine all that you have gone through, even with what you have described above! I pissed away the 70s, and my youth, drinking to excess and feeling sorry for myself. But this is nothing compared to what you have been through. It only helps to shed some more light on your marvelous and incredible artistic creation and the sense of humor that we all love so much here! Thank you for sharing, Rene! I greatly appreciate it!!!!!

Fabulous image and great scene Rene.. Fancy getting bruised from someones hug lol.. Great bearing of the soul mate, sounds like you went through some tough times in your life before rendo and all the lovely people on this site.. Thanks for sharing..

Rene what happened to her the gallery is gone i meant to ask before and forgot this is a superb scene and a wonderful dedi !!

Great looking image & rant hon!!!

Ranting always make you feel better. Better to type it here then take it out on the one you love... Great scene and once again I won't mention how dark it is..OOPs!

Estupenda escena muy bien ambientada

A vida é uma batalha a cada dia meu amigo, muitas e muitas se perde, tantos desistem. Mas você causa orgulho pois venceu a guerra da vida e tem a felicidade de ter contigo uma guerreira como Ute. Que a paz em sua vida perdura para sempre, pois ela é merecida. Criação , cena e ambientação esplendida meu amigo, aplausos (5) Das Leben ist ein Kampf jeden Tag mein Freund, verloren viele, viele, viele falten. Aber so stolz, weil man den Krieg gewonnen des Lebens und des Glücks ist es, Ihnen als Ute Krieger. Frieden in Ihr Leben währt ewig, weil es verdient ist. Erstellen, den Schauplatz herrlicher mein Freund, cheers (5)

Great looking scene here Rene, and a wonderful dedi also

Reeeeeender on my friend!! :) Soul searching? :) Hugs!! :)

brilliance in this image Rene, fab job all the way..

Wonderful scene and pov! I'm very glad you are back, ranting or soft talk, it's always wonderful to see your post and read your commentary!

Wow, very cool image.. I know what you mean about the stress and driving yourself. I am glad to have this community too, and after a few days miss everyone so. :) Hey, if you want to add me to the BD list, I'm July 21. Kept meaning to say something about that. hugs

Great looking scene Rene. I'm sure the vast majority of us here can fully appreciate the story you shared about your trip to this point, including how much having Ute there, even though she was going thru her own personal turmoil, helped you. Most of us have simular although very different paths we have come by to reach this point. It is very important to always realize the strengths around us, and a warm and welcoming site like this one can indeed be a huge help in filling some of that need to belong, share and support each other.

Great image and wonderful dedication. interesting and revealing narrative, Rene We all have our deamons that drive us and enslave us.

nice scene and happy you are back :D

Wonderfully detailed alien scene, REne!

You could not miss here, dear friend! Wonderful work !

Wonderful render. I've been gone several months. Are they selling FemaSu again? And I'm happy to see you've decided to stay clean. I've never regreted giving up the booze.

I can relate. I'm an adrenaline addict. Love earthquakes. Lmao! Problem is... adrenaline is the main cause of my seizures & my med, Dilantin, blocks adrenaline. Sucks. "(

Jobs often make us feel that way ... in a way we need that stress even if it slowly kills us ... and fortunately art fills that part of us that needs to be fed and that most of people feed with any kind of drugs (alcohols, medecine, job, sex ...)... A nice render and tribute here :-) Merci beaucoup René pour ton commentaire qui m'a vraiment fait plaisir !! Bisous !

Great scene and surtout great words. Life takes its toll on every one of us in one way or another . Being in this community is helpful hugs Odile

Amazing scene Rene, very cool image, I'm happy that you are back my friend. I loved Mike's words : "We all have our deamons that drive us and enslave us."

Wonderful scene and dedication!!

Great work, here, Rene! And sharing a little bit of yourself only goes to reinforce what a great guy you truly are! Life does tend to send challenges our way - some bigger than other, and some seem insrumountable. It certainly does help to have a place one can go where there are kindred souls, and support. One of the great things about this community is the fact most everyone here has been around the block more than a few times. We've experienced life with all it's challenges and rewards. And I think it's reflected in our art, and in our caring and support for one another. Physical borders on a map mean nothing here. What is important is our friendships and connecting through our artwork, photography, and writing. Our world "leaders" would do well to drop by Rendo - maybe they might learn something.

Your alot like me Doc witht he stress (or is it the other way round as your older than me!). I guess we all belong somewhere and the trick is finding it sooner rather than later isn't it! (same with people too)! I agree with Odiles sentiment too mate, no meltdown for me yet, but Rendo (and the Rendo folks) help out alot! PS: If you weren't so goddamned ugly I'd blow you a kiss too! PPS: Only kidding about the above! Berilac Goodbody of Frogmorton (I kid you not - this is what came out of the Hobbit generator) ;)

great scene and dedi!!

an excellent dedi to Josie