Having been born and raised in a tent just outside Leavesden Mental Asylum where both my parents were inmates, I always knew I was special.  Even when I was at school I stood out from the crowd, some said it was because I was wearing a potato sack and they all had uniforms but I say it was personality that seperated me from the pack.
After leaving school I struggled to make a living for a while until a chance encounter with a street walker in Watford High Street.  After that I made my fortune from call girls paying me not to sleep with them. 
Despite my new found wealth I was still very lonely until one day I met a blind, deaf, mute woman with no sense of smell and had two very ugly children with her.  Alas her sense of smell returned and once again I found myself alone.  So if you're very ugly and have no self respect, give me a call.  I'll let you buy me dinner.
Some of the above might be slightly misleading or entirely untrue. 
I was raised in Leavesden, just outside Watford England.  That much was true.  They filmed Goldeneye at Leavesden Studios actually.  Fascinating huh?  It was a Rolls Royce aeroplane engine plant when I lived there.  The bit about the two children was true, maybe not the ugly part but when you look at their parents...what hope did they have?
These days above all I write comic fantasies and spoofs of the whole ridiculous fantasy genre.  You can find my feeble scribblings at futilefantasycreations.co.uk along with some textures for use with Poser or Daz.  There's a real terrible film we made on there too.  Go see!
My Stats
D.O.B: 1st March 1971.
Hair: A distant memory.
Gender: Ugly man.
That's it.  I've said too much.