(originally written 1990-ish Found when looking for some writing that would have fit well with the Halloween contest. I read it and thought it was too good to let it rot in my files.) - Wendy Dubord I have a secret place, a place where no one else can go, you will never catch me by surprise, and the real beauty of it, is that you will never know... ... I have no idea what day it is. I think I heard mother say that the days were getting quite warm. The sun is Always shining here. The flowers don't mind. The perfume of the lilacs floods through the air here. I take a deep breath.. I love the smell of lilacs. On the fence ivy creeps and all but hides the gleaming white of the picket fence. Their leaves raised up towards the light as if they were praying. I sit in the shade of the willow, it's branches are so thick and so long that it's like being inside a natural tent. The tea roses are just starting to bloom, their smell is sweet and a little lost in the smell of the lilacs. I don't mind. They are still beautiful to look at. The grass is green and soft, I think it's nicer this year than it has ever been. The birds sing and twitter through the branches of the trees. Oh! I see a yellow one, she's so bright.. wait a minute she would be a he, Mother told me once that the males were the bright ones. Oh! he's gone again. The warm air surrounds me in a blanket of peace today. I hear no voices. Not even Mother's. She must not have come today. I'm quite relieved to notice the absence of Christina's voice. It is always sharp and hurtful. I hear her, and it's like watching men in work boots trample my little seedling trees. I do not care for Christina's voice. No, it's quiet today. I do not even hear little Jacob's voice. So inquisitive. I guess it's his age. " why is she always in bed mama?" "when will she wake up ?" Little Jacob can't understand yet. I know that I am in a coma. I hear them talk, talk around me, to me, and over me. There is nothing I can do about it right now.. My lips refuse to work. My arms deny me movement. Sometimes my eyes open and I get to see them.. Mama and Jacob.. and even Christine. But it isn't long before they close again and I'm back in my Garden. I live day to day, here in my mind. I have a lovely garden. I can sometimes tune out the voices... " she doesn't even hear us" " How can you believe she will ever wake up?" " You should just let her go Evelynn.." Uncle Henery will be disappointed when I wake up. I will, I'm just not ready yet. I can also tune out the beeping of the machines here. The noise is so constant. It gets annoying after awhile. So I've learned to tune them out. The beeping becomes birds in my garden. It's time for me to sleep now. I awoke to such a chattering in the garden. I thought a cat had come to disturb my birds, I ran out as fast as I could, but I didn't find anything. Then I realized Mama and Uncle Henery were fighting again. Fighting over me.. both literally and figuratively.. How rude. I want to tell them to stop, they are making it rain and blow in my garden. It's so cold, I want to scream! It's about me. I wish he would just go away. Mama and I are doing just fine. The doctors take care of everything, and everything is paid for. I'm not dead. I'm not! If I were, I wouldn't have to listen to them. Finally it's over. Christine has come in and stopped it. I can hear the squeak of her white nurse shoes. She tells them to think about what they're doing to me. That I "can" hear them. I love her in that moment. I've lost track of time again. Christine is gone and so is Uncle Henery. Mother is still here. She's singing again. Lullabies. I love that one mama. Sing it again. I want to be held mama. Hold me. ... The flowers are all doing so well. I hate to leave here, it's so beautiful. I don't know if I can come back to visit when I leave. But mama is here, I can hear her crying. I need to tell her I love her and that it's ok. I hate to hear her cry... I walk away. The noises outside get so much louder. I can't hear the birds any more.. I can still smell the lilacs though. Everything else is gone.. gone. " Hello Mama. I love you." I can still smell the lilacs. ~~~ Reading over this, It looks like I've left the end open for interpretation, but I think the picture I made to go with this, kinda shows you the end I was hoping for. Either way, Thanks for having a peek. ~ Catlina.