Take Me Out To the Ballgame by wysiwig
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Description
Tuesday, October 24, at 5:09 PM the first game of the 2017 World Series of baseball will be played in Los Angeles, California between the Los Angeles Dodgers and the Houston Astros. This will be the first appearance in the series by the Dodgers in 28 years. Even someone like myself, born lacking the sports gene, is a little excited.
While browsing through my ancient archives I came across a news item which reminded me of tomorrow’s festivities.
Prilep, Macedonia (AP)
Outside a small Macedonian village close to the border with Greece, a lone Catholic nun keeps a quiet watch over a silent convent. She is the last caretaker of the site of significant historical developments spanning almost 2,000 years.
When Sister Maria Cyrilla of the Order of the Perpetual Watch dies the convent of Saint Elias will be closed by the Eastern Orthodox Patriarch of Macedonia.
However, that is not likely to happen soon as Sister Maria, 53, enjoys excellent health. By her own estimate she walks ten miles daily about the grounds of the convent, which once served as a base for the army of Attila the Hun. In more ancient times a Greek temple to Eros, the god of love, occupied the hilltop site.
Historians say that Attila took over the old temple in 439 A.D. and used it as a base for his marauding army. The Huns are believed to have first collected and then destroyed a large quantity of Greek legal writs at the site. It is believed that Attila wanted to study the Greek legal system and had the writs and other documents brought to the temple. Scholars differ on why he had the valuable documents destroyed, either because he was barely literate and could not read them or because they provided evidence of democratic government that did not fit with his own notion of rule by an all-powerful tyrant.
When the Greek church took over the site in the 15th century and the convent was built, church leaders ordered the pagan statue of Eros destroyed, so another ancient Greek treasure was lost. Today there is only the lone sister watching over the old Hun base, and when she goes, that will be it.
Thus, that’s how it ends, with no Huns, no writs, no Eros, and nun left on base.
Comments (5)
anahata.c
Ok. As an old punster to an old punster, you better not have written this, because it even made me cringe. If you did write this (and you shouldn't admit it), kudos for writing the longest pun-premise in history. If you didn't write it, kudos for finding it and foisting it on the rest of us. To be honest, I'm rooting for the Dodgers---I really am, there's no pun there---but I probably won't watch the series, as I hear there's a great Insect Porn festival going on at the same time. (Can you see this one coming???) See, I'm no fan of porn, but I love fly balls. (ba-da-boom). I missed the playoffs because I had to see Hamlet twice. It was a double play (ba-da-boom). AND (oh, there's more, and this one's stretched beyond imagination:) I was watching the Dodgers beat the Cubs---a fact you didn't mention!---and this guy at the bar kept saying, "um, was that a triple play?" "um, is that a catcher's mitt?" I got so tired, I said, "will you lose the freakin' um's???" To everyone's great surprise (you ready for this?), he lit a fire and burned the um's right there on the spot! The bartender said: "That's the greatest f_ckin' um-pyre I've ever seen!" Yes, I made that up. I'm not proud of that fact. I'll sign off, but I was thrilled the Dodgers won, and I know that many wise souls will watch them beat the Astros. It'll be a true World Seer-ies (ba-da-boom). I'm working on something for "knuckle ball" which doesn't involve hand sex, but as Woody Allen said, as a kid he stole second but felt guilty and put it back. Not sure that's a pun, but it's a quick way to get out of this awful comment. Great story Mark, and great to see you post again!
wysiwig
OK, OK, I've learned my lesson. It seems I've created a monster and I'll never do this again.
At least not until the next time.
durleybeachbum
Hehe! I think some of that was lost on me as I know nothing about baseball.
wysiwig
Just to clarify: No runs, no hits, no errors and none left on base.
Faemike55
boy! talk about double plays, sheesh! Multiple groaners arr around....
thanks for the laughs and groans and etc.
RodS
auntietk
I know somewhere around zero about baseball. Weird, I know, since I run my winter schedule around the NFL and NCAA basketball, but I've never been able to get into baseball. I'm SO glad you explained the punch line! LOL! It was a great story, and the fact that I didn't "get it" was nothing to do with your writing ability, which is (as always) terrific! :)