Billy, another, please? Gwendolyn! You look fabulous! Maurice! Call me! :: sigh :: This is my life. Eight months ago, everything was so very different. I dont think you would have recognized me. I was one of those women who watched a lot of Oprah, made sure her husband went to work sexually satisfied, kept a spotless home, went to church every Sunday, and shopped at WalMart. My thighs were the size of Jumbo Jets, and I had varicose veins Triple A could have used as a map of Cleveland. Francine! How was Italy? Then... I dont know. Forty hit. My cat passed away after getting hit by a neighbour's son who liked to barrel up and down the road on his ATV. My eldest daughter decided she was quitting school to become a beautician. And my husband drunkenly admitted to having an affair with his secretary for the past two years. Well, things like that... I guess you'd call them a collective wake up call, right? I took a long look at my life and wondered what happened to the little girl who wanted to be a ballet dancer and the first female astronaut. Then a friend told me about Sidewalk Cafes. Linda! Love the hair! Is that a new colour? What's it called? The first time, I thought, well, this is silly: sitting around all day drinking overpriced coffee I could very well make at home -- and then it hit me: I didnt have to make this coffee at home. It was like, the skies opened and God Himself smiled down on me and said, That's right, lady: you dont have to make coffee at home. I stayed for four hours. I spent almost twenty dollars that was supposed to pay for my husband's dry cleaning -- but you know what? I didnt care. If he wanted clean suits to impress his floozy secretary, he could pick them up. Here, I had people waiting on me hand and foot. And I loved it. So I became a regular, and when you become a regular, people remember you. Imagine that! I spent ten years going to the same clerk at WalMart and every time I paid by cheque, she asked to see ID -- after ten years! But here, within a week, Billy, that adorably cute little gay man behind the counter, knew I liked the double-whipped caffe latte with extra-lo-fat whipped cream and grazed walnuts. I didnt even have to tell him who I was! He'd just look up and smile and say, "Hi, Sally. The usual?" Imagine. Me: having a usual. Taki! Loved the show! The new line looks stunning! Within weeks, I noticed other changes: my thighs shrank to normal size. I woke up one morning and found a whole new wardrobe in my closet. My hair was a gorgeous new colour. I didnt give a damn about my husband or his secretary or the neighbour boy or my screaming kids or the house or... well, anything. All I cared about was... sitting here. Drinking my latte. Looking fabulous. WalMart could implode, taking that idiot clerk with it, and I wouldnt care. As long as Billy keeps them coming, my life is complete. Giorgio! When is the new book coming out? Elizabeth! How's the campaign? Sasha! Fabulous party last night! :: sigh ::