Wow. Love, love, love the look of this place! I mean, Bayreuth! It just screams… German! Know what I mean? So. I heard you were looking for a new director for the Ring cycle next year, and I thought I'd toss the proverbial hat in the ring... so to speak... little joke there, huh... Now, way I see it, ya got one big problem here. Audiences just cant relate to this stuff! I mean, what, dragons? Giants? And some of those names — sheesshh! Fafnir? Who names their kid Fafnir? Yeah, all well and good if you think Harry Potter is the apex of English Lit 101, but face it, those kids aint gonna come see something like this, ya hear what I'm sayin'? And you guys even realize how long this thing is? Man! It takes what's her name... you know... Erda... like, six hours to tell that other guy to shape up and be a real dad — or whatever it is she's singing. Face it: nice as it all is and everything, people aint got four days to sit around and wait for the ending of this, not unless ya got George Lucas producin'... and look how well that worked out for him, huh? First three films, not bad. Number Four? Stinkeroo City... So, here's what I see. Ya gotta jazz this up a bit. I know, I know, it's Wagner... but here's the deal. Hear me out, okay? Aside from this, what theatre format is known the world over? Huh? That's right: the American Broadway musical. I mean, we're talking classic here, right? Showboat! Hello, Dolly! Okla-freaking-homa! People love these things... because they can relate to them! See where I'm going here? Like... now Im just talkin' off the top of my head here, but... Three Rhinemaidens? For your opening number? Nah! You wanna make this a major thing! Always open with a strong production number! Not this "la la la we're so happy to be swimmin' around la la la" stuff. Nossir, go big or go home, that's what I say! Put a smile on that audience's face right off the bat! And Siegfried and Brunhilde scene, where they're, like singing for a week or two? Give 'em a little love ballad, then move on! Ol' Richard way over-wrote that number, let me tell you! Two verses, a couple of choruses, maybe a bridge, and we're done. Know what I mean? Then that ending... man. De-press-ing! After all this time, ya got some dame throwing herself on the fire and then the whole world just goes ka-blooey? Give me a break, okay? Ya want this to be... like... well, that great classic Annie!, where everyone leaves the theatre just gosh-darn happy to be alive! Then we bring back the Rhinemaidens for one more big number, and everyone goes home! I can tell this whole story in two hours flat, including intermission! Yeah, we cut some stuff here and there, maybe re-orchestrate it with a bigger brass section and some drums (I gotta a friend who used to assist Bennet back in his day; he'd kill to work on this!). Get some sequins on those costumes! Know what Im sayin' here? Bring in Chenowyth to play Hilda, maybe Cheyenne Jackson for Ziggy. We are talking serious blockbuster here, am I right? So, all I have to do is make a call, and I can get my casting director to start auditions next week. Lots of good talent wandering loose in New York right now, so we strike while that anvil is hot, right?... so to speak... another little joke there... You guys just say the word, and we can get moving on this. You talk about it, and let me know. I'll just wait over here. Ya got a TV in this place?