It's a long, long time since I read Tolkien but, if I recall correctly, when a group of human warriors (Riders Of Rohan?) encountered hobbits (Frodo and Sam?) for the first time they mistook them for stunted orcs. The thought crossed my mind that if men mistook hobbits for little orcs, then might not hobbits mistake orcs for big hobbits... or even... Now reimagine the scene where the hobbits encounter their very first band of orcs. The first thought that crosses their minds is that you look like us, but you're taller and prettier and your ears are pointier, so... A Classic Scene Reimagined... A Case Of Mistaken Identity "You must be elves!" cries one of the hobbits, running with wide open arms and a delighted smile to the orcs and giving them big hugs around the shin. (hobbits are smaller than you thought) The rest of the hobbits are ooing and aaing in awe (cue jingly music with an angelic choir humming, and a misty bright blue-white lighting effect) The orcs are simply gobsmacked, standing in slack-jawed disbelief - you can almost hear the wind whistling through their heads and see the tumbleweed rolling. But their leader's not their leader for nothing, he's the quick witted one and eventually pulls himself together*. He pulls a huge grin, and announces in a very loud voice, "Yes, we're elves! And my name is... err...", looking up at the trees "Leafy...", then down at his feet "Legs! That's it, Leafylegs!" The other orcs are totally dumbfoundeded as their leader appears to have gone mad. But he glares at them, then gives a rather unsubtle 'nudge, nudge, wink, wink' - "Yes, we're ELVES, aren't we boys. AREN'T WE BOYS!" The other orcs begin to grasp what's going on, and start to introduce themselves with made-up-on-the-spot elfy-sounding names. "I'm Twiggy!" "I'm Rootfungus." "I'm Mosswilly." "I'm Log" After the introductions are completed Leafylegs continues, "And we love to prance in the forest. DON'T WE BOYS!", and leads his merry band a-capering and a-jigging around the delighted hobbits to the dulcet tones of orcish armpit kazoos. The hobbits can't resist joining in with the fun. Eventually the dancing is over, and Leafylegs enquires of the hobbits "Would you care to join us for supper?" "Oooooh, yes please!" cry the hobbits, "Supper with elves! What do elves eat?" ... And that's the last that was ever heard of them. *I'm imagining something like Alexei Sayle as Fyodor Golodkin in Gorky Park, when he reveals his identity to Arkady Renko My sincere apologies to anybody who was expecting anything, well... more literary