"Ah, Mr Kargaz -" "Kargaz will do, Mr Commissioner. The only title I have been given is that of 'Uncle' by the children I entertain with fireworks and magic tricks." "I have read some reports about your fireworks ..." "Ah, yes. The disaster at the Vicar's garden. Such things do happen." "And just how magic are your magic tricks?" "That would be telling. Suffice it to say that the small children accept them as magic - they do not judge or criticise, and the older children try to guess how I do what I do." "You may be wondering just why you are here." "Indeed." "I wish to apologise to you for the unjust arrest by some officers - " "Yes - A very small clique of ambitious and irresponsible police officers who attempted to turn the clock back to the period of the robot wars?" "Exactly." "That is not quite the case. Let me explain what has happened. You are aware of one Chomper who, despite the best efforts of your subordinates, has constantly evaded capture and being charged with any crime?" "Yes. An irritating and mischievous creature." "And the vast amount spent to date by those same subordinates on their efforts to catch him in the act of actually committing a crime?" "I have not been keeping a record of such amounts." "Then here is a detailed list of what has been spent, up to and including the purchase and arming of what is, in effect, a private army." "That is monstrous!" "Is one small robot, who tends to be something of a kleptomaniac, and who steals from criminals and then passes the proceeds to those humans in need, really worth all that time and money?" "A sort of Robin Hood, eh? I take the point. But why the private army?" "The officers in question have tried so often to take him, and failed, have let it become an obsession with them. A matter of pride, of honour. They are, to say the least, not in their right minds. So they dreamed up this idea of a Census in order to round up every last chomper on the planet, whether it be a worker, an educational child's companion or one just waiting for an occupation, assuming that this would also include the Chomper they wanted - and destroy the lot. Here are estimated numbers for those just on this planet." "And they have broken the Concordat and started what might be the Second Robot War." "Quite." "Where is the one they're looking for?" "Among the first batch they took; on purpose; he's busy organising them from within to break out and turn the tables on them." "I have sent police and army units to the affected area. The whole area will be cordoned off so that the conflict can be contained. Our main problem here is the lack of communications - computers and phones are not working." "I might be able to help you with that, Commissioner. I know a fair bit about your electronic marvels." "Will it take long?" "(laughing) for you to work out how I did it? Oh yes. (snaps fingers)." [Sudden burst of noise and general chatter from all computers in the room.] "I think that's everything fixed. But don't tell the papers or every Tom, Dick and Harry will be asking me to fix their home gadgets!" [Kargaz rises, bows to the Commissioner, and promptly disappears.] Commissioner: "Sergeant - a large whisky, please."