I can hear the frozen drops of rain as it pelts the window. They ding to the glass like little icy teardrops. The fall storm was stirring up leaves to waltz with the tumbling icy raindrops. It was going to be cold night. One that would do more then stir up leaves, For me it was a chilling reminder of my younger years, one mparticular It was these cold nights that I tried to turn away from the painful sight of the nighttime storms. But one thing always made me stay to am sightlessly into the dark; my brother's voice. It was twenty years ago that he disappeared, but I always would listen, part of me hoping that they would bring him back to us. But he never will return. I know it, even if I don't believe it. It occurred one summer. The days seemed to span on for infinity and the nights were a dully rest from the sunny daylight hours. I was out of school then, a college in New Hampshire where I studied to be an English teacher. How I loved the written word! For hours I would read the works of Poe, Locecraft Dickens and other classic and great authors. When my nose wasn't buried in a book I would be working on passages from some poem that was merly an off-handed idea. My family had decided that with my return it would be nice to visit my Aunt Amy at her home. Mora, dad, me and my little brother Joe, all prepared for what would be two months vacation at Sacandoga Lake. I packed my books and notebooks along with some cool clothes to protect me from the harsh summer's heat. However, the " summer's heat" seemed to haw hidden away from an unseasonable chill. I was twenty-four at the time and was all set to busy myself with my studies. My brother on the other hand, going onto seventeen at the time, had a very different summer in mind. He was kind of short for his age and his lean form gave him the appearance of a scarecrow. His features were all angled and pointy, a trait inherited from my mother His blue eyes looked upon the world with disinterest. He was here only to have a blast and forget about his latest failed relationship. Her name Was Sam and, as far as my brother cared, she was his one true love. A title only given to the last three girls he had. This summer was about finding number five. The house was a large two-story building, built as a retreat and then a home for my refired aunt. It was 90 something years old but had a very colonial look to it. The outside was a dull brown, the color of the unpainted wood that formed it's skin. The back yard opened into a grassy beach before merging with the lake, My aunt loved her home and had been there for as long as I could remember Only she and Zipper her blind poodle lived in it. Aunt Amy had never re-married after my dad's brother died. She was happy to just take care of herself and the dog. She busied herself with history and myth, having been a historian before retirement. She had a huge collection of books filled with different people and events, lost to the winds of time. Her personal hobby however was the study of cultural folklore. She had labyrinths of bookcases holding books on that subject Her dog's hobby was to annoy any guests. "Please, make yourselves at home here she said when we pulled up on that cloudy day. It felt inviting but was definitely not home. She had her gray hair pulled back into a long ponytail. Her clothes were a simple spring dress. She wore the face of an ancient. It fit her personality well. " Thank you sis, it's been a lone drive" my father exaggerated. We had driven from Albany so there really wasn't much of a "long" ride. There were three bedrooms in the house. My aunt had her room of course, my mom and dad shared one, and I was stuck with Joe. If I knew then what I know now I wouldn't have been so unhappy about it. The room was only seven by eight-foot and most the space was taken up by the two beds, separated by a small walk space. Two dressers graced the alternate walls, empty until we filled them. There was a single light on one of the dresses and a long window as well. Its walls were bare of any forms of art. Pretty boring room actually. That first night it rained a heavy, almost sad rain. A hint chill tainted the summer night. As I sat reading a book my aunt had loaned to me, some myth about a spirit called Shiva, my brother fidgeted restlessly, He was never one on reading and was a more, get-upand-do-somethmg kind of person. My aunt didn't believe in Television so the family room was pretty dull, housing only a single lazyboy and bookshelves. Safe to say there wasn't much in the building to entertain my brother. "Why is it so cold out Jeremy?" he asked, a small hint of boredom escaping with his words, " I thought summer nights were suppose to be all hot and stuffy." " I don't know Joe I didn't study meteorology ya know' I said, only half paying attention to him. The story was much mom interesting. Shiva was said to be a cold water spirit. She was the queen of the cold, and could freeze a man's soul. I mused to myself that she was the one chilling down the summer. But, of course it couldn't be. " Well, I guess we can chalk this up as another wasted summer" He muttered as he continued to interrupt me, " Why did we have to be dragged to this place anyway." Silence was my reply. I thought that might give him a clue. " You know, you're really not that interesting, You're damn right boring me to death." There was a tinge of annoyance in his voice, That quirky little weird thing he did with his words just to antagonize his listeners, I hated it. " Well, go find some one else then just leave me alone!" I practically spat the words out, I have always wished I could have taken them back now, now that I know just what listening to me would do. He tossed his pillow at me in anger. " Alright freak, I'm gonna go find some fun, if thats possible in this dump. Feel free to join me if you can pull your nose out of that stupid book. " The words floated through the air without me noticing. It was so easy to just block him out in those yew. I never moved from the bed to go join him. Heh, guess I couldn't "pull my nose our. He left the room in a showy display of anger. So typical of him. There was always more then just an age barrier separating us back then. We were two very different people. I was the "nerdy" one, he was the jock We could never see eye to eye. Thinking him to be an idiot I turned back to my book, hoping the fool would catch a cold. I never heard him come back in to the room. The next morning I awoke to a cold, almost frigid morning. The sounds of early conversation met my ears and the smell of backing attacked my nostrils. Everybody else was already awake it seemed. Aunt Amy bad made pancakes this morning, warming the kitchen on that unusually cool summer morning, Her big, "loss the chief apron the first thing I saw. As I sat down, avoiding the dirgruntle mutt, the warm scent of batter and bacon drifting to my nose, I just started to notice Joe talking to mom. "...and she was great mom, we sat and watched a comet on the beach and..." the words entered my mind just enough to realize he was talking about some girl he had apparently met last evening. After that I didn't really care what he was saying. Today I was going sailing with dad. It was the one major thing I had been looking forward to. Sailing through toning water with just the wind and the lake. True the boat was just a little one but that did nothing to damper my mood. I always loved the water back then. We set out shortly aft breakfast, wearing lightweight jackets against the chilly air. It was starting to look like it would be a cold summer this year. There wasn't much wind so we were drifting more then we were ailing. Our conversations were on the usual subjects. weather, politics, school, etc. When we both silently agreed not to talk I pulled out the book that Aunt Amy had loaned me. The story of Shiva was sad and fascinating all at once. Upon losing some supposed battle she was cursed to continue on alone, banned from any form of . I felt sorry for the creature before I reminded myself that she was a myth. I could see my brother on the shore walking the beach line, It looked like he was wearing a bathing suit. Most likely going to meet that girl he was ambling about the day before. After about an two hours of drifting and reading we made a moot agreement to set home. We pulled up onto shore and pulled the boat out of the splashing water When we entered the house my mom was all in a fluster, We found her pacing back and fourth in the kitchen " Where have you been Andrew?! Joe is really sick! He came in looking paler then a ghost. He's got a burning lever and is freezing!" She spat as we came in the door. My aunt stood at the stove, boiling water to make tea. She seemed much calmer then the tornado that was my mother. The stupid dog yipped in chores to mom's rant. I was tempted to kick him " We've been out on the water, we just got in. You knew that." My father said as he took the mold coat off Our return had involved an involuntary swamping of the boat, My mother did know where we were. Panic clogged her reasoning. The doctor came a little later to check my brother, That was the first I was allowed to see Joe. His skin was a pale white. His Bps looked like they had been drawn on with a sky blue crayon. He was beneath a mountain of blankets, many I realized had been borrowed from my bed as well as my parents and aunts., His eyes starred unseeingly into the air. A kind of content look was washed across Ins face The doc. Took pulse, temperature, and listened to my brothers breathing before coming to a conclusion He said he had hypothermia but was just about over ft. There really wasn't much we could do except for keep him warm. He didn't seem to notice us much any way. That night, as I lay on my stripped bed in the oddly chilly room my brother mumbled to himself. " Incredible, I never met anyone like her." He muttered. Seeming not to notice the cool (but then again, he was under eight blankets and quilts). I ignored him, having heard this song before with about Sam, and then about Cindy before that. As we sat, with him babbling on and me emersed in a book, again, he started to get up. I gave a shiver as I heard his bed creak, more out of coldness then fear. The chill seemed to follow his presence. " where do you think your going?" I asked as I moved to intercept him at the door. " I have to go see her again." Was all he would say. " Your sick and you're an idiot, go back to bed." I commanded. " I have to go see her." He said again as if it were a mantra. " Look, if you tell me where she is and what she looks like I'll tell her your sick and can't go out right now. He wasn't listening to me. I think the only one who was listening was Zipper. It took him three attempts to get past me before he surrendered His description was "a cold angle'. Fat lot of help that was. Still, how many young girls could be out on the beach late surnmer's night? I left the house with a college sweater and a pair of sweat pants my only protection against the unusually cold night. I decide to be nice and took the dog out on a leash for the walk. The beach was quiet except a gentle rustling of lake water, rushing to hug the shore, and then slip away again. I found a tree stump that was suitable as a seat. Sitting down I continued to read the fascinating story of the ice queen, Shiva. For half an hour I sat without any sign of any one. The dog entertained himself by digging in the dirt and then sniffing everything in the leashes reach. When it started to rain a cold, light rain, I decided to leave. Just as I was sitting up it happened. Zipper when crazy, howling at some thing seen only to his unseeing eyes. The water swelled and bubbled infront of me as a slender hand emerged, followed by the figure of a woman, Her hair looked like sculpted ice, Her skin was a sky blue and there seemed to be snowy white spots here and there Her shoulders were adorned with a light covering of ice, which peaked into a kind of icicle point. The most startling feature however was her eyes. It looked like two, perfectly round balls of ice had been place into he eye sockets I then knew that before me stood the very legend I had just been reading about. Lady Shiva, queen of winter, mistress of ice, stood before me. " You are not Joe. " She accused. Little clouds of chilled breath escaped her lips when she spoke. I fought hard to come to my senses. " you are not Joe. " She accused again as if her words could somehow turn me into my brother I sat dumbstruck. To this day I still have difficulty fathoming what I saw that night. Zipper ran and hid behind an old brown bucket. " I'm here cam an all too familiar voice from over my shoulder. My brother had followed me from the house, dipping quietly behind me. I watched turn come into the beach. He wore only a pair of boxer shorts. His appearance hadn't changed from what I saw at the house except that he no longer shivered. He walked past me, either ignoring me or not noticing I was there. I watched as we walked into the water, over to the chilling figure of lady Shiva. The ice on the water by her feet did not crack when my brother walked through it. " Now, my love, we can leave. " She said as she leaned over to kiss my brother. I oared at the sight, wondering if I was simply in the middle of a dream. They embraced and the turned their backs to me, Hand in hand, Joe and the ice spirit, walked into the water What ever spell was holding me now disappeared as I found I could move - i 11 Joe wait I I" I Yelled after him. He looked over his shoulder, but only to give me a smile of content His hand was curled into the being's next to him. A far of look waved in his eyes, The icy rain pelted my face so I was unable to watch the two leave completely. Thai was the last time I had ever seen my brother again. With a smile of content. The next morning the police filed a missing person's report for my brother. They questioned my mom, &A and aunt, ignoring me. No one believed my own account of the night I hardly believed me myself They wrote their report and did their research, none of it did any good. There was no sign of Joe. Nothing. The only clue to my encounter was the remnants of a thin layer of ice on the water, still present that warm summer morning So here I sit, looking out the window. I watch the cold rain come and stick to the glass. They remind me of teardrops Teardrops of joy and happiness Lady Shiva's team