They wanted no one there besides the immediate family, and I understand, but I felt.. so outside.. alone in my greif. Something I thought I wouldn't have much of..but here it lies on me like a heavy bag of sand upon my chest ..and I can't swallow. Tears.. they won't stop. The old bass turd died today.. I have to say he held on and was fiesty to the last, but it finally hit him..his mortality. You couldn't NOT love him. Never really knew what he thought of me totally, but I never knew a time when he wasn't nice to me. He was always kind to me..even though when I first met him I was scared to death. He..(my father-in-law), was about all I had left for a Dad in this world since my regular Dad died young. This one..held on a good long time, but man did he ever suffer. Stubborn as he was, he wouldn't let them take his legs. Diabetes, smoking, a not so great ticker..and ulcers on his legs so full of poisons.. and he wouldn't let them take his legs. Funny, I didn't blame him in a lot of ways. People didn't realize what I thought of him.. how I empathized with his fear of hospitals and doctors and nurses. Poor man started out young in an iron lung because he had polio as a kid. He'd been through alot of hell.. but was very independent and very talented as well. I can only relate to you what I knew of him.. and that is this.. He was fun, ornery as hell, generous, his word was THE WORD.. and that was that.. he was a terrible driver, but his van was his freedom .. it was his legs. A Draftsman for a local steelmill for many years until he retired, to become a wood crafter as a hobby with his wife. He cut the stuff..she painted and assembled it. Both were very talented in this venture. He loved his meals, and bless his heart he married a hell of a cook. I bet he felt sorry for his son, because I never was a good cook and I tried to impress him one time by making him bread pudding.. one of his favorite things *LOL* It was probably the worse he had. He never told me.. so I never knew. I stayed away for a long time..only going over to visit at holidays as I knew he didn't really know me anymore that well, and I guess I pretty much never knew how he felt about me. But now as I sit here alone.. while the family is together doing what they have to do.. I am feeling how much I really did love him.. how much I'll miss him, but how much I'm relieved he won't have to suffer anymore..and how much I know he's standing tall on legs that won't fail him. So Dad.. if you happen to be reading over my shoulder.. I love you. Say hi to my regular Dad..and grandpa..ok. Hope there's no waiting..too long at the gate.