Sometimes I wish that I was a song writer. It is funny how a song can change a mood or bring back memories. I hear songs that take me back to a place a time that I have all but forgotten. It amazes me how that happens. So much emotion can be caught up in a few chords and some simple lyrics. I hear songs and they say all the things in my heart and my head. I just want to give people a copy of that song and say "Here this is how I feel. This is what I am thinking and I wanted you to know." I wish I could be more open and honest with certain people about how I feel and what I think but I don't want to encroach on their lives. Perhaps I should stop worring about hurting other people and just do what I need to for me. As many times as I try to do that and think I am getting better at it I run into a situation that I just can't bring myself to it. I have been such a controled person all of my life that I am unsure when to just let go and let my heart and mind pour out. I fear so much rejection or ruining something that is good even if it is not quite what I want that I don't take the risk. Perhaps I need to take that risk but perhaps now is not the time. I tell myself that to make myself feel better about not taking that action. I do it knowing what I am doing and still do it. Perhaps one day I will move past that and take the steps. Apparently today is not that day. I go back to my songs and my memories. Wishing and hopeing for a day that may come but I can not control. How I hate that. I am SUCH a control freak when it come to those kinds of things all while being passive-agressive. OK, well now that you have seen inside my head... RUN SCREAMING FOR THE HILLS. (Sorry he is bald but I am in the process of replacing my graphic tablet. Maybe there will be some painting next time.)