Although most people are familiar with the Royale Kittens, few are aware of the Kleenex Kats. Royale promotes the fluffy softness of their toilet paper by visually equating it with the adorable kittens who grace their magazine and television ads.

Kleenex has adopted a very different marketing strategy. Their in-house scientists have been training Calico cats to insure the quality and integrity of their packaging. These felines are known as the Kleenex Integrity Packaging Patrol Sniffers, hereafter referred to as KIPPS.

The Kleenex people have done an incredible amount of research on the shopping habits of their customers. In each package of Kleenex toilet paper, they have installed a tracking chip (much the way your browser utilizes cookies) in an effort to electronically catalogue the habits of impulse shoppers. The data showed that 90% of people who intended to just rush into a grocery store to buy Kleenex toilet paper came somehow to find themselves in a funk, and soon also came to the conclusion that the funk could surely be lifted and relieved and probably altogether turned into smile if they would just cart that package of toilet paper straight down to the end of the paper products aisle, make two quick right turns and be able to gaze upon shelves of frozen rising-crust pizzas.

What inevitably would transpire at this point is that the rather bulky, handle-less packaging which held the 24 rolls of Kleenex toilet paper they were clutching to their chests like a large square beach ball made the simple task of opening a glass freezer compartment door in advance of snatching up a double box of Deluxe pizzas next to impossible and so caused them further funkdom.

Necessity being the mother of invention, the data indicated that most people at this point punch their first and middle fingers through the plastic packaging into the hollow tube portion of the first roll in the top row of their package of 24 Kleenex toilet paper rolls while gripping the outer corner with their thumb. Thus it becomes a dangling item instead of a hugged item and leaves one hand free for taking up a good-sized cold box of frozen rising-crust Deluxe pizza.

This is the crucial moment of truth as it pertains to the integrity, strength and stress points of said packaging, because if the plastic should give way while the bearer has both hands full and funkdom just newly replaced with glee and rolls of Kleenex toilet paper should begin to careen down the frozen food aisle, it is certain that the glee will be replaced with a measure of angst and perhaps an even gloomier funk. Toilet paper rolls are very difficult to chase with a double box of rising-crust Deluxe pizzas in one hand and a dangling half-empty package of (16) Kleenex toilet paper rolls in the other because, by their very design, they become smaller as they unravel and therefore, as a target of pursuit, have a built-in advantage over their totally funked pursuers.

LOL!

This is Lucy, who just got hired as a KIPP and is practising her inspection duties. It appears that she has discovered a weak corner and will remain on "point" until a human steps in to mark the area with duct tape. KIPPs are trained to leave their tails hanging out at all times in the event they need to be pulled to safety when faulty packaging collapses on top of them... ;) Thanks for having a peek! ~Helen~