Lost by AusPoet
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Description
I used to experience severe and sudden, quite unexplainable, mood drops. It always felt as though I had no control over what was happening and I could feel myself rapidly sliding into what felt like a very dark, deeply emotional abyss. Usually this experience would be short lived, often no more than a few hours or a day. These days, this difficulty seems to have passed out of my life.
Below is what I wrote as I felt myself "dropping" the last time it happened. Perhaps writing about it as it happened has something to do with why it stopped occurring.
Friday, 2nd January, 2004. I'm slumping Fiercely fighting ferocious feelings Of inadequacy Irrational thoughts Nevertheless, all-pervasive, overpowering. I can't seem to escape myself. Tears dampen my cheeks My throat is tight as I Choke on my self-hate. I am sad. So sad. So tired; lethargic. I think I must be quite boring. I do try But the energy is evasive And quick to escape. I have no strength with which To hold it. It slips through my fingers like So many grains of salt Dehydrated, crystallised. Gone. Lost. Gone. I fear there is much more To lose along with it So much that could be gone. I am afraid. Too much to lose. I can't bear it.
Friday, 2nd January, 2004. I'm slumping Fiercely fighting ferocious feelings Of inadequacy Irrational thoughts Nevertheless, all-pervasive, overpowering. I can't seem to escape myself. Tears dampen my cheeks My throat is tight as I Choke on my self-hate. I am sad. So sad. So tired; lethargic. I think I must be quite boring. I do try But the energy is evasive And quick to escape. I have no strength with which To hold it. It slips through my fingers like So many grains of salt Dehydrated, crystallised. Gone. Lost. Gone. I fear there is much more To lose along with it So much that could be gone. I am afraid. Too much to lose. I can't bear it.
Comments (5)
netsia
I understand that need to write about emotions....once I put the feeling into form then I can move on. Now is the first time in my life that I feel helpless. I do not have fear, just that I need to learn acceptance as my lesson, right now. For you 'verbalizing helps too, Excellent words V
TallPockets
First, so glad it's in the past. Second, there's an old sports saying, "Fatigue makes cowards of us all" - Simply meaning when someone is tired or weak(not always by choice) everything becomes magnified. Beautiful piece, as always. VOTE.
Jianna
Wonderful job! I can totally relate to how you feel, because I experience these "drops" myself. But you are right, putting it all down on paper really does seem to help. I'm doing exactly the same in the book that I have been writing and sharing with you all. Excellent piece! And I'm glad to see that it hasn't happened in quite some time! HUGS ~Heather~
EoinArmstrong
Yes - I just got over one myself last week, and for no sillier reason than a new section of motorway knocks 20 mins off my journey home from work! It's amazing what can turn you around! You've struck a rare chord with me here... excellent words, which convey excellently your mood at the time. V (If I may be so bold as a newbie to this section of Renderosity).
Wolfspirit
Hello Auspoet, I too do know all to well what your speaking of here. These can truly make one feel over time as if they are loosing their ever loving mind. I too have been writing my feelings down when the drops come and it does help, although I will admit I don't always share those writings, and I am not sure why yet. Other then to say often when I am experiencing a drop, the writings that spring forth are not pretty at all, they are deep dark and scary, not to mention disturbing on some levels and often I fear dwelling in them once they have passed. Therefore, maybe that is why I dont share them here. Maybe some day they will leave me and I will be able too share moreHowever, I am truly sorry that you have had to experience such pains as others here too have expressed, as I am equally as glad they are over for you. You're writing here and your story above truly gives added faith that I will as well find my way out of my own personal occasion unexpected drops into a thicket of thorns. Thank you sincerely for sharing.