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Criminal Intent

Writers Humor posted on Dec 14, 2004
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Description


"Book 'em, Dano!" The Perpetrator: Lovey The Crime: Wanton Destruction of Property Her MO: "Curiosity is my name; Danger is my game." On Monday morning I went downstairs to feed and water the Hole in the Wall Gang. I adopted, last spring, a litter of 3 Little Kittens from my daughter's feral cats. My grandkids begged me to take them and since the in-law suite on the first level of my split-entry house was empty, I agreed. This is the scene of the crime. Lovey, the only sister, had disappeared. It's an unfinished area so she would periodically leap up the ductwork on the side of the furnace to gain access to the neighboring laundry room, which has an unfinished ceiling area. However, during the night, she had literally shredded the foil ductwork system from it's exit points off the furnace and the huge foil ductwork for the intake system that runs through the ceilings in the in-law suite and through the 2-bay garage via the laundry room and hallway. I figured she'd come out sooner or later from the intake system. But the temperatures were dropping, going to the 20's for the night, and I dared not turn on the heat until I found her. I could hear her meowing upstairs from the living room area for quite a while. Then it became fainter and after 7 hours I began to worry. Vision of fire trucks and rescue workers tearing up my house looking for pussy ran through my mind. So, I did what most rescue workers did--I bought a can of cat food (mine only eat kibble) and attempted to ply her with that while keeping her brothers at arms length from eating it themselves, totally ignoring the fact their sister was missing. Having failed that routine, and tiring of balancing between a ladder and one foot on a cross brace in the wall to reach the ductwork, I decided to make phone calls to family who might offer advice. I was advised to get her out, because if she died in there the whole system would have to be torn out to find the rotting corpse! YIKES! Since I don't put the heat on in the lower level anyway, and the intake vents could be cut off from the rest of the house, leaving only the intake near the furnace, I began to systematically take down all the foil ductwork in the lower level. After hours of cutting, snipping wire tubing and breathing in dust and fiberglas particles from the insulation wrapped inbetween that crap, I still couldn't find her. I sealed off the ductwork exits from the furnace, so at least I now get more heat upstairs. By 10p the house was freezing, I was aching from head to toe and my hands were cut and bruised. I had to turn on the heat. I had not heard a meow for hours. I was close to tears, knowing I would have to tell Karissa her kitty died. The only other place she could have gone was up through the top of the furnace and into the heating ducts in the attic--but that meant her entering the top of the furnace and heading straight up through the metal vents! It was highly improbable but now with the heat on, I was worried. I was sitting in the study at the computer near midnight when I heard her meow so loudly I thought she was beside my chair. I looked up into the vent and there was her little face looking down through the vent vanes from the attic! I ran for the ladder downstairs and quickly cleared off my desk. Then once I unscrewed the vent and took it off she was afraid to jump down. So I ran back downstairs for a can of cat food I had been using to lure her unsuccessfully that afternoon. Still she wouldn't jump. So I held up the folding chair with the can of food on it, while standing on the ladder and one foot on the glass desk over the leg support. She finally came down onto the chair and I lowered it to the top of the desk but she freaked, so I had to clean up yucky cat food from all over my desk, piles of books on the floor and carpet. Sigh...all the thrills of pet ownership. However, she must have cleaned out the ductwork pretty well because she was filthy! LOL Maybe I need to put her in a harness, wrap her in a wooly body suit and send her through them periodically for cleaning! And of course, with a kitty sized breathing mask! Needless to say, her brothers were extremely happy to see her and I spent the better part of an hour stapling up chicken wire around the furnace area! I have no doubt they'll have it down shortly... Anyone want to adopt the Hole in the Wall Gang? :D

Comments (12)


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pjaj

10:13AM | Tue, 14 December 2004

Excellent work and writing!! Wonderfully done as always:o)

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Avalonne

4:21PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

LOL...thank you for a thoroughly enjoyable story! I am very happy you got your Kitty back, even tho she put you thru hell to do it...what a lucky little kitty she is to have a Mommy like you :-) {{hugs}}

annemarie2

7:10PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

LOL what a wonderful story!! Glad she allowed you to find her:)

digi-b

8:08PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

Excellent writing!! What is it with cats and ductwork anyway? I'm glad to hear both of you came thru just fine.

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SophiaDeer

9:43PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

Wonderful story and I love cats...we have two. Beautiful!!!

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SK2Design

10:36PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

ROTFL!!!!! Oh dear, I had to stop laughing long enough to even type anything. You had me rolling as I envisioned all your acrobatic stunts to get puss to safety. I knew I was going to love this piece from the moment I read the opening and saw the picture. Thank you so much for getting me laughing so darn hard. This is so awesome!!!!!!

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Blush

11:01PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

LOL I loved this and thank you so much for the chuckle I needed it so:) Wonderful story about cats and is making me wonder where my Myrrh cat is now, hopefully laying down in his bed keeping warm:) I just posted a new one too hope you come visit me Vote n hugs Susan~

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Shadowmonkey

5:21AM | Wed, 15 December 2004

Bless there little cotton soaks. They can be so cute. Normally when asleep, you have know and an excellent story :)

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eternalwytch1

6:24AM | Wed, 15 December 2004

LOL!!! I can soooo relate to that story! I have always had cats and more than once mine have gone places demons fear to tread LOL

captainparsa

6:33AM | Wed, 15 December 2004

a wonderful story!! wooooooooooow a cat with blue fish eye !!! very cute

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calum5

2:07PM | Wed, 15 December 2004

Well what an advenure!!!Your skills tell reality like an action packed film!!It was like a bruce willis job!lol!Really pleased come the end,brilliant writting:-))Bye calum

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meico

3:23PM | Sat, 18 December 2004

Captivating and highly amusing throughout, my friend. Excellent.


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