Scared of you by SteelBreeze

Writers • Atmosphere/Mood • posted on Dec 14, 2004

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Description

Fear wells up deep inside me Every time I see your face Blood rushes through my veins Matching my hearts quickened pace Dark eyes caress my body Take their paralyzing grip My mind screams, turn and run Wasted thoughts, away they slip Your mouth starts slowly parting Baring teeth that hide behind Tongue licks across red lips Reflecting candles in their shine Shudders race along my skin Make the hairs all stand on end Sweat breaks out across my brow As I watch your arms extend Deep red nails press on my chin Trace the line along my jaw Then pull me slowly towards you As you curl down on the floor The unspoken question lingers As I gaze down from above Yes, I

Comments (7)

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cagewench

3:39PM | Tue, 14 December 2004

I have no qualms with how this was written but somehow, I didn't feel emotionally hooked until this: "Yes, Im scared of you Because with you, I am in love" ... I think if you had a more dynamic/dramatic beginning I would have felt this rather than read it.

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Shadowmonkey

8:11AM | Wed, 15 December 2004

It has a slow start but the poems pace seems to floor along better at the end. I has a very descriptive feel to it.

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KarenJ

8:12AM | Wed, 15 December 2004

Hmmm... I like the last verse but until then I found it quite a threatening read. That could just be me, though.

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experimental

2:36PM | Wed, 15 December 2004

I personally think it captures the mood quite well. Some people tend to detach their emotions when reading things like that, and I think that is your main problem. Keep at it, I liked it.

SteelBreeze

1:07PM | Thu, 16 December 2004

Thank you all for the comments. My intention was to keep with the halloween contest theme and make it seem like a young boys fear of a monster at the begining. Then throw a twist in at the end. I think my mistake was in trying to write it "for" the contest and not for me.

dogjelly

2:54PM | Mon, 20 December 2004

hmmm - i was thinking that this was the fear of a brutalizing partner - way off, I guess - thinking of the fear of physical violence - maybe it is more like the fear of letting go and our often overactive need to be independent?

cynlee

12:25PM | Mon, 18 April 2005

descriptive, almost romantic seduction on the dark side :]