july sixth by cardiacxarrest

Writers • Atmosphere/Mood • posted on Feb 18, 2005

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Description

"i need something out of my garage." at one fortyseven a.m. you told me you wanted to kill yourself. at one fiftynine i ran out of my house to console you. anything for a friend in need. we sat in the park, talking about bitter relationships and lost love. about alcoholic fathers and part time mothers. about how you needed something from your garage. you were on the wrestling team and at three thirty you overpowered me with ease because we both knew i couldn't do anything but wait for it to stop.

Comments (5)

cardiacxarrest

10:45PM | Fri, 18 February 2005

I'm quite proud of this piece myself, but that is probably because after months of not wanting to talk about that night, this is what I came up with. However, I do feel that the "am" in the second line doesn't flow with the rest of the poem. I'm thinking of rephrasing the line altogether, but I'd like some feedback before I touch it. Comments/suggestions on that would be appreciated. Thanks guys!

susanmoses

10:56PM | Fri, 18 February 2005

You may be right about the second line... but I don't know how to direct you just now... I will say... though... that you've captured something... the essence of which moved me deeply... :)

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TallPockets

12:56AM | Sat, 19 February 2005

I thought the 'am' was meant to be ''a.m.'' as in 'time'. You broke my old heart as I read this. I have five dear sisters and a few dear nieces. I cannot write here what I would do to such a 'friend' if they did similar to my loved ones above. Excellent written work. My apologies on behalf of 'good' guys.

cardiacxarrest

8:38AM | Sat, 19 February 2005

It was meant to be a.m. (my apologies for any confusion), but I still feel that it takes something away from the flow of the poem. Thank you both for your kind words and for your rankings.

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