March 14, 2005 Dear Self, It seems as the days pass by, my life is more and more confusing - yet, at the same time, wonderful. Perhaps this is just a part of growing up. It seems that the more I grow, the more things change around me - between the people, atmosphere, and everything else thinkable. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I wonder where that little doe-eyed girl went. Sometimes it seems like I don't even remember being young. My childhood went by so fast, and at times it seems like I never had one at all. There are so many nights when I lie awake and think. Nothing important crosses my mind, usually, but even so - I lie in bed and ponder. What will happen if I have children one day? Are they going to question the same things I do, feel the same things I feel? What about my life? Do I just exist right now, or am I really making a difference in people's lives? Will it all go unappreciated in the end? Either way, it seems the days have grown longer, and I can't place whether this is good or bad. Sometimes I wonder if there's any meaning behind it all. Looking back at my life, in some small way, I see the difference I've made, and it makes me proud. In other places, though, I wish I could have done more. But perhaps that's only human of me. Maybe I should get one of those Magic Eight balls... "Will I grow to be an old woman?" *shake, shake* "All signs point to yes!" "Am I going down the right path?" *shake, shake* "Nope, sorry!" "You hate me, don't you?" *shake, shake* "Try again later!" Or maybe I should go to a psychic... "Will I grow to be an old woman?" *hands twenty dollars* "Yes...very, very old." "Am I going down the right path?" *hands another twenty* "Everything is clear to me now...yes, the path you are taking is correct." "Does the Magic Eight ball hate me?" "Hey. No money, no fortune." Or, maybe, they're both a waste of money and I can find out on my own. That's the way things usually work, anyway. It's going to be spring soon...already I can smell it in the air. Spring...the season of life. Perhaps it will bring new beginnings for everything, including me. Perhaps the new beginning is already in effect. Time will tell, and I've got all the time in the world. -Summer, age 15