Useless day by SchererPFX
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Description
Tonight I go to sleep,
Fall into the deep,
Looking how today has been,
But there
Comments (6)
templargfx
Nice, I like it, I'd give you suggestions but I cant write or rhyme for crap! LOL
TallPockets
Excellent writing. Reminds me of the Paul McCartney song, "Another Day".
angel_of_darkness
Really enjoyed the rhyming....As you know I like to rhyme 2 Great work!!!
Wolfspirit
I understand this. I as you, I am too working on improving. Although for me I don't see it as drowning in my words, as I don't have enough of them, therefore for me I have a mud puddle, that I am looking into making a lake, so that I might swim, or go fishing in them. Keep it up, your doing great from this perception. "Warm smiles" Keep writing and sharing for I believe we're all learning and growing as we go.
micsteel
Sounds like my day! :}
nocturnecsh
Good use of rhythm, but there's inconsistency between the first and last full stanzas when it comes to rhyme. Though I'll be the first to admit, I'd much rather write blank-verse than rhyme anyday! I find that I can start the poem, but soon lose the flow due to the speed I'm trying to write the emotion. So, this is not a slam in the least! Love the "breaks" you give in between each full stanza. Almost the "selah" of the psalms - a pause for absorption - a sigh. The only suggestion I can give is to NOT STOP WRITING!! wink -j.p.