BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
Comments (5)
cbender
..... again... it's hard to express what's going on inside me if i read this... thoughts - little turmoils... pain... fear... everything's getting mixed... the little wheels in my head start to twist and work... chains of thougts... I am speechless... not more to say... and pls. continue... your art is something special... thank you Yo!
briarwitch
Your bravery constantly amazes me. ~lost
Aprilrain
Excellent composition of inner turmoil. A very profound work!
bevchiron
As with many of your compositions elements appear as a barrier that hangs between you & the world ever tangible but never concrete, so often I see a glimmer of hope rising out of the despair, I see that hope here as clearly you can make out your true voice amid the cacophony that fills your mind.
Synapse
...And hang onto that true voice, remain aware that the others are misleading you. In a way you have to embrace the ambiguity, to see it not as a bad thing but a natural part of life. Despite what we're led to believe it's not unrealistic at all to have hope, so keep a tight hold on it :-)