Funny, I've been in r'osity for some time now and never noticed it had a writer's forum.
Anyway, this is a little poem I wrote the other daym, thought I'd share it with you people. I have two bad habits, one of them is writing, and the other one is inflicting my damage on people. So I do apologize in advance, he he.

I like free-verse poetry a lot, and is the style I usually write in....

It's called

"Mortals"

The tide of seasons can bring me
stains, marks, and brittle flesh;
while losses behind me
dot my path with sorrows.
My campaign of armies will end in one.

I do not grudge life to the ageless:
Their endless perfection holds no value to me.
Nor do I heed the calls of the envy of years.
For me, the seasons are counted.
My deeds are limited.

The immortals can live forever.
I waste no breath in cursing their name.
To the hymns of angels I am no witness,
I march to the rhythym of the footfalls of death.
The immortals can live, and sing forever.

We mortals can live, and die for God.

Ian Felipe Brillembourg

Ian: Just a note: I've picked up that apologizing in advance for no reason is frowned upon in this forum :) Nice work

It reads well out loud, so I guess it's pretty good. To me, free form is the hardest form of poetry to critique, so can't really offer more. As I said, it reads well. jon

I march to the rhythym of the footfalls of death. There is a part in "Hair" where all the conscripts, including the impostor, are marching on to a transport to go to Viet Nam. I believe it was called "Marching Song of the Doomed" This line reminded me of that...Does anyone else recall that song (all you geisers and geiselles). Anyways the impostor gets killed in Viet Nam and the young man whose place he has taken is left at the end looking at the grave that never should have been. The dead mans free spirit given to save another who never questioned his duty as it was imposed from high. The life given not for lack of fear, or hearkening to duty, but as a simple act of charity so our you soldier could spend a last few fleeting moments with a forbidden love.

Jon and mysteri, thanks for the comments. I confess I wasn't really expecting critique, I was just looking to share. It's the thought that counts, however, and I do appreciate critique. So thank you for considering it, anyway. Tjames, unfortunately I have never been able to catch a hold of "Hair" in my local rental store, and it was before my time. So, I don't really understand the comparison. Still, it is very nice to see that a reader has a connection with what I write. It's very flattering. This poem tries to express that frustation that mortal man may feel when faced with the divine, the inmortal, or even the thought of it. At the same time, it mainly tries to communicate a true admiration and pride for what is called the Human Condition. I have always admired the value of Man in and of itself. I think that Man's greater moment is when he falls, or errs, and has the courage and will to stand up and correct those mistakes. I also believe that whether or not God exists, creation is ultimately fulfilled by our actions, though we make some pretty major screw-ups on the way (the present day seems to be filled with them, unfortunately). It is our brief time here on Earth that makes our actions so valuable, much more valuable than if we had eternity to make them with. It is our choice to do what we will with our limited life that makes it all so special. oh, and Mysteri, one quesiton: if apologizing in advance is frowned upon, I would guess that threatening you all with some of my short stories is reason for being banned? Lol.

Yep you really should catch that one look in the DVD section at Borders...that's where I found my copy. Its around here someplace with all the clip art and games tapes and books and...and...and.

No, threats are good. Just be sure to follow through.