I remember this time last year it was hot and sunny a holiday and I stayed at home that day I heard the sirens and I paid no attention Until she came home, crying, But she cried on something else, It seems so minor now, But it was then so intense That day he broke her heart, And I didn't even remember the date Until the phone rang And the look on her face changed From heartbroken To sheer terror And the words slipped her mouth "They were there?" - A pause, and my heart dropped - "She's dead?" Dead And all I could think was Please, let it be a bad joke of April Fool's Day.

So, I guess this is my first post. A true story, by the way. Please remember that English isn't my first language, so be gentle. :)

An interesting vignette.

There are several things I like about this piece immediately. One is its form. I like the way your line breaks and stanza breaks slow the reader down and give a sense slow-motion and out-of-time-ness to the events in the poem. (I like this very much, in fact.) I like the fact that you let us see the action, hear it with the narrator, that you use physical details to accomplish this--showing, not just telling. It pulls me into the poem instead of making me an observer from the outside only. I like the specificality (is that a word?) of the piece. It's a specific moment in a specific day. It doesn't try to be grandiose or "poetically impressive" with high-flown language, and because of it's plainspokenness and simplicity, its poignancy comes across with much more impact. Hurts, in fact. Good tone. As a reader, I do wonder who died. Up until the point of the line, "She's dead?", we've been given three characters: the speaker, the woman/girl coming home heartbroken, and the guy who broke her heart. I don't know who died, and while I may not need to know very much about the person, some hint or vague reference would help, I think. There were only two or three places where I saw your English as a second language being a factor at all, so lovely job! Lu

I didn't see anything with the language to make me think anyone but a native English speaker wrote it. Heck, it's a lot better than a lot of native English speakers I know. I'm not very clear on exactly what happens in the poem, but it makes it more authentic. Someone trying to relate a tragic situation wouldn't pause toexplain who "she" is and who the dead are. The fact that you made it happen on April Fools' Day makes it more poignant. This is very nicely understated. Things slip out - they aren't forced in or belabored. Thanks for the poem, Cres

Thank you for your replies.. I appreciate your feedback. By the way, Crescent, I didn't "make it happen on April Fools' Day"... unfortunately. It actually happened on April Fools' Day last year. I wish it didn't, and I would never have written this. Well... never mind.