Still a work in progress, and a definite change from my usual style. What do you guys think? "Vision" I saw two lovers on different ends of a kiss, and riding on extreme ends of a wave, they bathed in a sea of blood. When the winds picked up, a malachite breath from a steamy sky, I saw two lovers, two angels, swim in facing directions. But the sun, burning desire of envious feeling, spake the waves and stirred them. I saw two lovers in funtile, static, movement. And the angels beat their wings against malachite whispers, thrust their arms towards bloody currents, and drowned their desire in fighting the tide. Who can say, but that the dragged angels, made headway against disorder? Who would promise, but that the torn lovers, might better drift apart for a season? For I know, but that for their endless battles, the times would take them in swift circles and join their tryst at the ends of the world.

This is my opion in the form of an example. I am by no means a professional. Two lovers on different ends of a kiss,ride upon extreme ends of waves,writhing in a sea of blood.

Interesting. Thanks for the input!

I really like the pieces, but I'm confused by the poem as a whole. I'm rather literal when it comes to poetry: I feel like there's a story wrapped inside this poem, but I can't quite make out the plot. My guess is that the poem deals with love and sex, but then why are the waves a bad thing, when you often hear the phrase "waves of pleasure?" (Yes, there's also "waves of pain" but I'm not seeing a reason to read that into the poem.) I wouldn't be surprised if I'm completely misreading the poem or trying to force more into it than you intended. I'm not trying to say that you need to dumb it down, but make you aware that the poem not not be as clear in meaning as you intended. (Or that you have at least one reader who's thick as a brick.) ;-) Cheers!

Sounds like some weird dream. What have you been smokin' lately, Ianfe? j/k Funtile. Uh-huh... g The whole, torn apart, battling the waves to be together but better off to let themselves be torn apart for now and brought together by nature itself later... is cool. Very interesting, evocative, and weird. hug

Thanks SG. Really appreciate your comment. It's funny how most of the times I feel like I'm as much an expectator to my writing as anyone else. In cases like these I don't even think when I write. It all simply comes out full-formed and later on, when I edit it, it feels almost alien to me. Like I'm not responsible for it. This one (and in this, Crescent, you;re near the mark) came with a very distinct image in my head. That is unusual, since I don'y usually think in images. And it IS a kind of story, which is what makes it so prose-like in style. I hadn't noticed the nature agle, SG, that's a very interesting POV. And about the "waves" thing... well, I'm not even sure what that's about. I wasn't really thinking of sex or pain, really, when writing. But the word "lovers" was put in there in my head and would not be let out. Get my meaning?

Oh, and everybody needs things to be funtile every now and then... :{P