This story is a work in progress. Just wanted to put it out there for some advice. Katrine's Story Katrine was standing over the stove making dinner for her boyfriend, Martin, in thier apartment. It was almost time for him to be home when there was a knock at the door. Thinking it was Martin she called, "just a moment, darling!" Katrine straightened her dress, smoothed he rhair, and opened the door. Standing outside the apartment was not Martin but a strange man in jeans and a black T-shirt. "Who are you," Katrine asked. "I'm one of Martin's friends," he said, He didn't tell you I was coming?" Katrine thought for a moment. She didn't remember Martin saying anything about one of his friends stopping by, but she did have a rathe rbad memory so decided to let the man into the apartment. She went into the kitchen to finish dinner. Katrine yelled out to the strange man, "Would you like something to drink?" "no thank you," came the reply from right behind her as the man moved into the kitchen. "So, um, I don't believe I caught your name," she said. The strange man said, "oh, I didn't drop it, but it's Tom." Katrine was starting to get nervose but she didn't want to be discourteous to one of tom's friends so she didn't say anything about how uncomfortable she was. she shut off the stoveand asked tom if he was staying for dinner, but she never heard the answerbecause Tom hit her in the head and she crumpled onto the floor like no more than a pile of clothes. *** When she woke up, Katrine's neck was stiff and sore and she felt as though someone had split her head open like a melon. She tried to reach up to feel her head but she couldn't. Upon investigation she found her hands tied to the srms of the chair she was sitting in. With further investigation she found her feet tied up as well. When she looked around, she realized she was in a stuffy, old warehouse type of building. She tried to get her hands loose but the sound of echoing footsteps halted her progress. To be continued...

I am going to be honest, because I hope you want that. Your story seems like a synopsis rather than the story itself. I feel at a distance from the characters, when I should be feeling fear for Katrine, I should have some interest in her fate. But I have no connection with her, other than a feeling she's a bit naive or stupid. I don't particularly identify with people who, in this day and age, would let a strange unidentified come into their house, so you really need to bring some emotional ties. You might, for example, do something as simple as have her boyfriend call her and say, "A friend of mine is coming by to pick up a dvd. Would you mind giving it to him, hon?" That way, when the guy arrives, she has a reason to believe he belongs there and then grow suspense as she realizes that this isn't a friend. As it sits, it just a description of violence and I don't enjoy reading violence for the sake of violence (I may be in the minority about that). That may or may not be what you have in mind...I'm just missing the purpose of the story...the reason why I should keep reading. I can't say much beyond that. I realize this a rough draft so I hope that as you refine the story, you do spell checks and make sure there are appropriate paragraph breaks. I rarely get a story right the first time, so don't feel as if I'm being too hard on you. It just seems to me the story is a little empty....but someone else could react very differently. No matter what I or anyone else says, only you know what you are trying to accomplish with the story. There is too little here for me to get a sense of where you are going with it. Good luck. And I hope some other people join in with their comments.

Letting a man into her apartment because "she had a bad memory" sounds very unusual. If the man was up to no good he would probably be able to answer several questions that she might throw at him (all the while peering through the cracked door with the safetly latch connected). That way the reader might identify better with the girl and sympathise with her plight. Of course I don't know if that's what you'd really want! I liked your description of how she fell like "no more than a pile of clothes." You also succeeded in making me want to know what's going to happen. Like Dialyn, I hope what happens isn't just a bunch of gore and violence.

i did a little work on the story to day and hope to post part two within the next few days. all comments are welcome and appreciated. thanx dialyn and manimal. your comments are already helping. thanks all!

"discourteous to one of tom's friends" I think you mean Martin's friends, I am curious as to whether or not Tom is a friend of Martin's. Maybe he isn't and maybe he is. Maybe Tom is a friend of Martin's and has been stalking Katrine. Maybe Martin and Tom are in on it together, but if thats the case then why didnt Martin knock her out? more I suppose, it needs more depth more story to go on.

you are right DeC. after i wrote the beginning, i lost the inspiration and motivation for the story. about that "one of tom's friends" thing, i am as scatterbrained as my mom.