David received a parrot for his birthday. This parrot was fully grown with a bad attitude and worse vocabulary. Every other word was an expletive (curse word). Those that weren't expletives were, to say the least rude. David tried hard to change the bird's attitude and was constantly saying polite words, playing soft music, anything he could think of to try and set a good example. Nothing worked. He yelled at the bird and the bird got worse. He shook the bird and the bird got more angry and more rude. Finally, in a moment of desperation, David put the parrot in the freezer. For a few moments he heard the bird squawking, kicking, and screaming, then suddenly there was quiet. David was frightened that he might have hurt the bird and quickly opened the freezer door. The parrot calmly stepped out onto David's extended arm and said: "I'm sorry that I might have offended you with my language and action and I ask your forgiveness. I will endeavor to correct my behavior." David was astonished at the bird's change in attitude and was about to ask what had made such a dramatic change when the parrot continued: "May I ask what the chicken did?"

ROFL!

Ahhh,..........an oldie but goodie.

This one just had me almost fall out of my chairlaughing...would have been literally ROTFLMAO! Little Grace was not the best student in parochial school. Usually she slept through her classes. One day the Nun called on her while she was napping and said, "Tell me, Grace; who created the universe?" When Grace didn't stir, little Johnny, seated in the chair behind her, took a pencil and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Grace, and the Nun said, "Very good". Soon Grace fell back asleep. A while later the Nun called on Grace and asked, "Who is our Lord and Savior?" But, Grace didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Little Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her with his pencil. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Grace and the Nun said "Very Good" and Grace sat back down and started to fall back asleep. Then the Nun asked Grace a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" This time Grace was just awake enough to hear the question - and she knew what was coming, so she jumped up and shouted, "If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!" The Nun fainted.

Well, I can relate to the first one, we had a Cockatoo for about 2 years before he passed, a rescue, and he didn't make a sound until a stranger came in the house then look out, he was a disco fool, dancing and singing.....second, very funny.......