This is taken from a book called "Disorder in court" and is an actual script as recorded by the courts stenographer. I hope I'm not breaking any rules by posting it, its got nothing to do with photography, but things need lightened up a bit sometimes.... Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time? A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? A: No. Q: Did you check for blood pressure? A: No. Q: Did you check for breathing? A: No. Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? A: No. Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor? A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law somewhere.

haha! how can laughs be off topic??? some might disagree, but i think that laughing gets the creative juices flowing! and truly...some laughs in here are really needed if you ask me. there's usually high energy in here but i haven't felt it these days. i would like to contribute something funny and energetic, but i can't think of even one joke or think of anything funny to do or say. i'm leaving for work in just a bit, but maybe when i get home i'll come up with something silly. thanks so much for the laughs!!!!!! :)

lol - Nice one aangus !

ok I have a quote to continue the thread:

"There are three reasons why lawyers are replacing rats as laboratory research animals. One is that they are plentiful, another is that lab assistants don't get so attached to them and the third is that they will do things that you just can't get rats to do."
Blanche Knott.

Message edited on: 02/19/2005 14:24

:] chuckles :] ty

lOL Reminds me of this one. Clerk: Please repeat after me: "I swear by Almighty God..." Witness: "I swear by Almighty God." Clerk: "That the evidence that I give..." Witness: That's right. Clerk: Repeat it. Witness: "Repeat it". Clerk: No! Repeat what I said. Witness: What you said when? Clerk: "That the evidence that I give..." Witness: "That the evidence that I give." Clerk: "Shall be the truth and..." Witness: It will, and nothing but the truth! Clerk: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." Witness: I'm not a scholar, you know. Clerk: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..." Witness: "Shall be the truth and." Clerk: Say: "Nothing...". Witness: Okay. (Witness remains silent.) Clerk: No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the truth..." Witness: Yes. Clerk: Can't you say: "Nothing but the truth..."? Witness: Yes. Clerk: Well? Do so. Witness: You're confusing me. Clerk: Just say: "Nothing but the truth...". Witness: Is that all? Clerk: Yes. Witness: Okay. I understand. Clerk: Then say it. Witness: What? Clerk: "Nothing but the truth..." Witness: But I do! That's just it. Clerk: You must say: "Nothing but the truth..." Witness: I WILL say nothing but the truth! Clerk: Please, just repeat these four words: "Nothing", "But","The", "Truth". Witness: What? You mean, like, now? Clerk: Yes! Now. Please. Just say those four words. Witness: "Nothing. But. The. Truth." Clerk: Thank you.

lol :D

After the Judge had heard the Police Evidence, He turned His attention to the Scar Faced Thug who was Manacled in the Dock, and said: "And what did You do after You left the Scene of the Crime?" The hardened Criminal replied: "I did fuk all Your Honor" The Judge peered over the rim of His Bi-focals....and enquired from the Clerk of the Court..."What did the Prisoner say?" "He said fuk all Your Honor". The Judge looked very confused and then stated..... "I could have sworn I saw His Lips move". ~~~

In one of Merry England's most famous and sordid Bestiality Cases, the Judge summed up: "In all My Years on the Bench....I have never Trialed such a despicable Case....and, I am at a loss of how to Punish You." It was then that an Elderly Woman, who had been for many Years an Advocate of Corporal Punishment, cried in a shrill Voice from the Public Gallery....."Give Him the Cat!" ~~~

lol this has the makings of a good thread "Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off."

Message edited on: 02/19/2005 16:35

I think I can sum this all up in one well used phrase....DOH!

Ok.. I can contribute a classic to this thread :P Although it says it's an actual transcript, I think it has been debunket, but funny nonetheless: -------------------------------------------- This is the transcript of the actual radio conversation of a US Naval ship with the Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in Oct 1995. Radio conversation released by chief of naval operations 10/10/95. Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north. Canadians: Negative. you will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course. Canadians: No. I say again, divert your course. Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln. the second biggest ship in the United States Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship. Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

What's the difference between a vampire and a lawyer? One is a hated, feared bloodsucker and the other is a legend depicted in horror films. (",)

More from the book of Disorder in the court... Q: How old is your son, the one living with you? A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. Q: How long has he lived with you? A: Forty-five years. ******* Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo or the occult? A: We both do. Q: Voodoo? A: We do. Q: You do? A: Yes, voodoo ******* Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? A: Yes. Q: And what were you doing at that time? ****** Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people? A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ****** Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to? A: Oral.