I just had to post this.....so if you work in an office be warned.... 1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig." 2. "I would not allow this employee to breed." 3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be." 4. "Works well when under constant supervision and cornered like a rat in a trap." 5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet." 6. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy." 7. "He sets low personal standards and then consistently fails to achieve them." 8. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot." 9. "This employee should go far, and the sooner he starts, the better." 10. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together." 11. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus." 12. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier." 15. "He's been working with glue too much." 16. "He would argue with a signpost." 17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room." 18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell." 19. "If you see two people talking and one looks bored, he's the other one." 20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on." 21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection." 22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it." 23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming." 24. "He's got two brains cells, one is lost and the other is out looking for it." 25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week." 26. "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change." 27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean." 28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm." 29. "One neuron short of a synapse." 30. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargled." 31. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'." 32. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead" Have a nice day, y'all !

Thank-you Bryster...I think I work with all 32 of those people. That tough bit would be assigning the names in the correct order.

Change if from 'this employee' to 'MY BOSS' and you have nailed it on the head. LOL.

Hey I'm an employee, which one is me? oh yeah, never mind. :P thanks for the seriousness Chris.

ang, #10.

Oh I love this, you've made me smile this morning Chris. :)

Brightened up my morning considerably LOL!!!!!

Thanks xen, knew I was in there somewhere. ;P

walks off muttering about what a wiseass xen is

Message edited on: 03/22/2006 08:29

Love 10 and 24, those two really caught me. Thanks Bryster.

not a kangaroo joke in the lot. what were 13 and 14 again? we should memorize these and when pressed for time just type the number of the joke. example: bikermouse:"hey fran . . . number 24." (no response) bikermouse: "hey xenic . . . number 10" (no response) Bryster: "13" (everyone laughs) I guess it would all depend on how you told them thanks, - TJ 8:)

Bryster, #14 too. Now that Bikermouse's mentioned it.

My father used to call me a complete idiot every time I did something wrong. I got so fed up of hearing it, that I decided to look up the origin of Idiot, and what I found out was that my father was a Moron. There were 3 words in Medieval England used to describe an apprentices' competence, or rather incompetence. It was widely used by the various Guilds, particularly stonemasons and carpenters: 1) Idiot 2) Moron 3) Imbecile Idiot: A person who has to be told how to do absolutely everything and cannot figure out, from what he's been shown, how to finish a basic procedure. These people were considered trainable, and could reach Journeyman status. Moron: A person who makes the same mistake the same way every time. These people were considered problematic but under supervision were managable but would unlikely reach journeyman status. Imbecile: A person who who finds a completely new way to make the same mistake every time. These people were considered dangerous and were only ever given menial tasks. Complete Moron: A person who is both an Idiot and a Moron. A lost cause and only remained in the trade if they were a relative to a powerful guild member. Complete Imbecile: A person who is an Idiot, a Moron and an Imbecile. These people were gotten rid of immediately! There is no such thing as a complete Idiot, and since my father kept making the same mistake the same way every time, that made him a Moron. When I showed him my findings, I told him that I would rather be an Idiot than a complete Moron like him. He never called me that again. :D

Thanks Guys! Well as it appears (and I hadn't noticed) that 13 & 14 don't exist it follows that BM & Xenic think that I do not exist. However, since 'I think - therefore I am' I must exist - but it does not follow that I exist on in the same space/time continuam as the afore mentioned BM & Zenic. Since I actually live on Mars this is probably correct, as it is impossible that BM & Xenic have ever met me. I could go on to debate the probability that they are part of a nightmare I've been having for the past 50years, an arguament they can't win, but I'm beyond the point where I can afford to waste valuable time discussing phsycotic delussions...;-)

Chris, I've heard many things about Wales, but choosing Mars as a preference is pushing it :)

Gog: I live on Mars by choice because #1 I was born here #2 Nobody else lives here #3 The money's good, the scenary changes AND they let me play with explosives!

lmao, sure Chris.

...or to put it another way.... I play tennis, I fondle women, but, I get weekends off and I am my own boss!

Also Chris, you are such a naughty boy, but you do make me laugh. Thanks for warming my funny bone. 8) Catlin

Hi Catlin, Long time since we've seen you lurking in the Bryce forum :) How's things?

Pssst! Catlin's back! Hide the whisky!

is it Faster horeses, younger women, older whiskey, more money or younger horses,faster women, more whiskey older money? I keep forgetting.

Your right bikermouse hehehe 8) Yes I got an IM telling me I was missed so I thought I'd drop in and see what's going on, the same as usual it appears. lol 8P I've been away from home, in Turkey, for 2 months now so there has been so much else in my life for this time that I've been avoiding coming online. Plus my other half has been using our or my lap top, (he got me it for christmas), but I don't think he really feels it's mine at all. 8) I hope everyone is in good form and that life is being good to you all. 8) Catlin

You have to come here more often, Catlin. We miss you!

Thank you darling 8)