My Brother Russ sent me this from the Staes, and I just wanted to share it with the rest of you.
DPH

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its

yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate
meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained

3 . Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

1. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

2. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

3. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you  absentmindedly
   answer the door in your nightgown.

4. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

5. Gargoyle (n.), olive-flavored mouthwash.

6. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run
   over by a steamroller.

7. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

8. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12 Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

1. Pokemon (n), a Rastafarian proctologist.

2. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

3. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand):  The belief that, when
   you die, your Soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there

4. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn  by Jewish
   men.

 
The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any word
from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one
letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are this year's winners:

1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops  bright
   ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign
   of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose  of
   getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buy ing a house, which renders the subject
   financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person
   who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon (n): it's like, when everybody is sending off all these
   really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a
   serious bummer.

10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming
only things that are good for you.

1. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

2. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter  when
   they come at you rapidly.

3. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've
   accidentally walked through a spider web

4. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your
   bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

5. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the
   fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16 Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole

Some more funny stuff my brother Russ sent me:

Similar to the "Darwin Awards" ....

Russ

EIGHTH PLACE:
In Detroit , a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of
water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch-wide sewer grate to
retrieve his car keys.

SEVENTH PLACE:
A 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he
ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot high cliff on his daily run.

SIXTH PLACE:
Buxton, NC : A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach-goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had
been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way
to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA , but could not reach him. It
took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him
while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a
hospital.

FIFTH PLACE:
Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc , as he fell face-first
through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was
caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his
hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

FOURTH PLACE:
Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in Selbyville, Del , as he won a
bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four
bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

THIRD PLACE:
The following mind-boggling attempt at a crime spree in Washington, DC
appeared to be the robber's first (and last), due to his lack of a
previous record of violence, and his terminally stupid choices:

1. His target was H&J Leather & Firearms; A gun shop specializing in
   handguns.
2. The shop was full of customers - firearms customers.
3. To enter the shop, the robber had to step around a marked police
   patrol car parked at the front door.
4. A uniformed officer was standing at the counter, having coffee before
   work. Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a hold-up,
   and fired a few wild shots from a target pistol.

The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire, the police officer with
a 9mm GLOCK 17, the clerk with a 50 DESERT EAGLE, assisted by several
customers who also drew their guns, several of whom also drew and fired.
The robber was pronounced dead at the scene by Paramedics. Crime scene
investigators located 47 expended cartridge cases in the shop. The
subsequent autopsy revealed 23 gunshot wounds. Ballistics identified
rounds from 7 different weapons. No one else was hurt in the exchange of
fire.

HONORABLE MENTION:
Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover township, NJ, and his
wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
in their car. While driving around at 2 AM, the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen,
but apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:
TACOMA, WA . Kerry Bingham had been drinking with several friends when
one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the bridge
at 4:30 AM. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
that no one had brought a bungee rope.

Bingham, who had continued drinking, volunteered and pointed out that a
coil of lineman's cable lay near by. One end of the cable was secured
around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to the bridge. His fall
lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his foot off at the
ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy salt water and was
rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say" said Bingham, "is that
God was watching out for me on that night. There's just no other
explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER...
Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt (Paderborn, Germany) fed his
constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a
bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm
finally let it fly, and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the
ailing elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on
him. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked
Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground where he struck his head on a rock and lay
unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of
him" said flabbergasted Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. With no
one there to help him, he lay under all that dung for at least an hour
before a watchman came along, and during that time he suffocated. It
seems to be just one of those freak accidents that proves... "Shit
happens."

YOU CAN'T FIX STUPID...

LOL, thanks for sharing these! Most of the accidents/deaths are actually described in the Darwin Awards, but I'd never seen the neologism entries before. Good stuff!

:lol: You just made my day!

Priceless! :thumbupboth:

Thanks for sharing that.....

It really brightened the evening!

:0)

Only you DP! :tt2:

ROFLOL... EXCELLENT... thanx for the belly laughs

"never ascribe to conspiracy what can be explained by stupidity"..;)
"let he who thinks himself without fault, take a wife"

Thanks David!!  Those were awesome!!  :)

LOL @ David
Excellent, thanks for sharing, really needed a good laugh :)

Reading this on a weekend - sure makes for a good laugh and relaxation.  Thanks !

LMAO at Karmageddon. Sounds like it was coined by my Mum's ex-boyfriend :lol: