Found this on the web thought I'd share
OLD telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know.

FOOL other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remote control up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mounting the curb.

LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork and rancid tuna. I found that the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds in only 2 days.

NO time for a bath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling it off.

APPLY red nail polish to your nails before clipping them. The red nails will be much easier to spot on your bathroom carpet. (Unless you have a red carpet, in which case a contrasting polish should be selected).

IF a person is choking on an ice cube, don't panic. Simply pour a jug of boiling water down their throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.

SAVE on booze by drinking cold tea instead of whiskey. The following morning you can create the effects of hangover by drinking a thimble full of dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall.

A TEASPOON placed in a glass on the back seat of your car makes a handy audible gauge for road bump severity.

WHEN out driving always turn left. Then, should you become lost, you can find your way home by reversing the procedure and always turning right.

SAVE petrol by pushing your car to your destination. Invariably passers-by will think you've broken down and help.

BOMB disposal experts' wives. Keep hubby on his toes by packing his lunchbox with plasticine and an old alarm clock.

OLD folks. Avoid confusion between these new 'microwave' ovens and televisions by cutting out a large letter 'M' in brightly coloured paper, and sticking it to the door of the oven.

TEENAGERS. Fed up with posters falling off the wall? Simply file them in a filing cabinet under 'P' and you'll know exactly where to find them if you want a quick look.

SAVE money on doorbell batteries by removing them and simply popping to the door every two minutes to see if anyone is there.

SAVE electricity by turning off all the lights in your house and walking around wearing a miner's hat.

DON'T fork out on expensive smoke alarms. simply fill balloons with water and hang them from the ceiling. Then cover the floor with air-filled balloons, each with a drawing pin stuck to the top. In the event of a fire the temperature will cause the air-filled balloons to rise up from the floor, and the pins will burst the water-filled balloons, thus extinguishing the fire. Probably.

LMAO!!

Those are cute thanks

Really liked #3 and #6 and plan to use them if I am ever in those situations

:lol:

MONKS. Conduct a life of celibacy and emotional solitude without joining a monastery by simply living with my wife. It's more comfortable and you'll be able to watch TV and use the internet.

LMAO!

I liked 7 a lot...plan on giving that advice to the bunch of young musicians I hang out with...they could save a lot of equipment cash in no time based on their drinking habits..LOL..thanx for posting this valuable list, heh heh heh.. ...

ROTFMAO !

LOL I dont know what kinda whiskey they sell over at ur place, but a proper quality JD's, Jamesons, or Bell's doesnt taste the slightest bit like cold tea :-P Not even if you'd add alcohol to the tea :-P

mm..i ought to really really do this..keep driving left..and when i get lost.. drive back right!
ROFLMAO!