Hi.  Earlier I posted a few questions about radio plays along with a few short samples.  I got a rather favorable response so I'm posting the opening of Act 3 (of the second play in the series).  I wrote this at lunch so it is still rather rough, but I would love to have some feedback.

Just so you know the set up to this scene, Jurgen has been capture and his memories are being sifted through to find what Jurgen fears most so the Nightmare Eaters can use this against him to deconstruct his memories.  The methods are not openly mentioned in this play, but the year is 1764.  (Sorry the formatting is a little wonky, too tired to change it)

David

ACT III ** **

We hear the echoes of Weslen’s scream slowly fade out and as they do we fade in: Mars (The Bringer of War) by Gustav Holst.

JURGEN

What you see before you is a landscape torn apart by war, frozen for the briefest second.  The land was turned to mud. Great trenches were carved out of the earth tipped with barbed wire that would ensnare men and shred skin and clothing alike.

In the background we now hear the rata-tat-tat of machine gun fire.

JURGEN

Bullets rained across the wasteland, mowing down men from either side relentlessly.  And if that was not enough powerful explosives dropped from the sky blasting the earth from the ground and any damn fool that was to close.

In the background we layer in the sounds of bombs exploding and dirt falling in every direction.

JURGEN

Sometimes we were lucky and pushed the enemy back, other times we lost ground and fell back. All around us the world was being chewed up and spit out as waste, if only the men were so lucky. Almost four million German soldiers killed and then later after the war many of the leaders were tried and executed for war crimes.

WESLEN

          No wonder you have been keeping this fear hidden.

JURGEN

Fear?  I don’t fear this.  All of this was to show you how it was during the war.

WESLEN

(Nervous)

Then what is it you fear?

JURGEN

I only ever feared one thing: to disappoint the Fuhrer, to fail in his eyes.  Everything I have done was to live up to his ideals even as it torn the world apart.

WESLEN

          I have what we need.  You have earned some rest.

We hear nothing except the battle in the background.

WESLEN

          I can’t leave. (Angry) What have you done?

JURGEN

You worked so hard to get here.  It would be a shame if you didn’t see it all.

The sounds of the battle get louder and louder and we hold on it for twenty seconds before we cut to: silence.

 Any thoughts?  Anybody?

Does Weslen perhaps fear turning on his peers? Is he currently being, deconstructed? Sorry I always see things from the most bizarre angles.

 Actually he is trying to deconstruct Jurgen and things get reversed and Weslen lives the whole of WWII in a matter of hours.  In episode #3 Weslen commits suicide and the Patriarch of the Nightmare Eaters takes over Jurgen's deconstruction, which is a much harder process than one thinks.

Thanks for the feedback.

David