I just got this frim a pal in the land of the olimpdicks

Now that Vancouver is host to the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking.

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website.

Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked!

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England )
A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends on how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to  Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden )
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ?  Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver ,  Edmonton and Halifax ? (England )
A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes.

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe   Ca-na-da is that big country to your North....oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary  Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it.  Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in  Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany )
A: No, WE don't stink.

 Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.  Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

 Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

 Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA )
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA )
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

 Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

Please send this on to any Canadian (or others) who you think will enjoy it as much as I did.
Too funny not to pass on! 
 

"Things would be so different if they were not as they are." Anna Russell
 
 

Why am I constantly being embarrassed to be from the US?  

Now, why did they call Unicorns "Moose"?  Everyone knows that Canadians are hiding Bigfoot and his herd of unicorns up there. 

Who says Canadians have no sense of humor? 

Heheheehehe
Thanks for the laugh!

Corrie

 hah  snerk   giggle.. some of these are new to me.....come naked.... hehehe  classic!

This should not be permitted, I almost spilled my tea while laughing. Health and safety first! (grin)

 Ahh....that answers most of my questions....but I still have a few more:

1. I've heard that the Canadian dollar is worth less than the US dollar, so if I convert all of my
   money to Canadian, does that mean that I will owe money when I return to the states?

2. I understand that Vancouver is in British Columbia. Do the British own all of Columbia or
   is there a part of Columbia that is still Canadian?

3. If I wanted to walk from Washington State up into Canada and then go over to Alaska, do I
   have to have a US passport to get into Canada, and then a Canadian Passport to get into
   Alaska?

Snort!  Love 'em!

I actually had relatives over from Scotland for a visit. They were serious about driving out to calgary for the day. I live in Montreal.

Turns out the issue was one of perception - in their atlas at home, the UK took up two pages and Canada took up two pages so the distance visually between Calgary and Montreal just looked like a good day trip to them.

What's the difference between a Loonie and a Twonie? And why does that make strippers happy?...;)