"I wanna know the answers, no more lies, I wanna shut the door, and open up my mind!!!" Well, the past few days have been utter hell. My father has basically decided, and spoken, that me and my mother aren't worth living with anymore, because he's wasted the better part of his life with us with nothing to show for it (aside from a wife and son that isn't on drugs, has a steady love life and has high ambitions for school and his future, which most people would be happy to have). He wants to take off to Vancouver BC to live with my uncle for a bit, and find a job, so he can, and I quote "Leave you two (me and mom) behind, and start a new life." I told him that he would be a fucking asshole for doing it. After that, I started to like the idea of him leaving. That's probably when any final drops of love for my father evaporated. I want him to leave. I can't wait til he's gone so me and my mother can live normal lives. He bitches that he doesn't know anything about me, and I tell him it's because he's never bothered to take the time to understand what's been going on with my life. When I spend 8 hours on the computer staring at photoshop (on that thing I've been working on), all he wonders is when I'll get off the computer so he can spend the next 10 hours making GIF animations using other people's artwork, by chopping it up and whatnot (very crudely I might add), and posting it on his website, where he's had a total of 127 unique hits over the course of the last 13 months. He doesn't understand my life and my ambitions at all, but he's never made much of an attempt to either. He gets pissed when he's the only one at home for 2-3 days straight. He said this during our very long "discussion", and I replied "Mom is in Kingston, and I'm living at Alison's because there's nothing for me here family wise aside from my mother. When I'm here, you bitch about me being on the computer, and when you aren't sitting half naked in front of the tv, you're sitting half naked in front of the computer, never sitting half naked asking me what's been going on, never making any conversation. You'll stay in front of the tv for 12 hours straight then go to bed, so why do you think me and mom don't spend as much time here as you do? You are the main reason we aren't the family you wish we were, yer make no effort to mend, so get your ass to Vancouver where you can be happy." Yesterday, me and my mom went out to lunch, and talked things over. We told eachother a lot of things that had never been brought up before because the asshole was sitting nearby. Me and my mom both agree on many things. She seems quite indifferent about the whole thing, but from what I could decipher, all that was going on was that none of it was really all too unexpected. She bought me a caeser salad, and we talked, and it was damn good. This is what I look forward to now. Being able to sit in our living room, and talk, rather than stare at the tv. Paper bags and angry voices, under a sky of dust A constant wave of tension, on top of broken trust the lessons that you taiught me I learned were never true Now I find myself in question (They point the finger at me again) Guilty by association (You point the finger at me again) I wanna run away, and open up my mind. hi everyone, ry

That's life, some people want others to make their life interesting, some people make their own life interesting. It seems that if you aren't interesting where you are moving to Vancover BC won't change anything. We take our own little mental prison's with us when we journey. Open a window let in some light.

Make sure your mother knows shes appreciated. Abreak up can be very hard as I'm sure you realize. Weather she shows it she may be hurt more that it shows or she even ralizes. So make sure you spend more time with her chatting, talking doing things for her ect than usual. Also turn your intelect and creativity toward making her happy. even if she tells you it's not nescessary. i've had that done for me and I appreciate it more than I let or or realize. It's just the way things are. How are you doing BTW. Want any e-mail surprizes sent up from SF? Bsteph

I doing fine over here. Still at Alison's, waiting for him to leave. About to get started working with good old vector graphics, something I really need to dabble in. As for my mom, she knows she's appreciated, so no worries about that. We had a big talk when we went for lunch the other day, so I havew no fears about that. Email surprises? "Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take" ry

Well, Ryan, this cannot be an easy situation for you or your mother....I can hear the anger behind your words in some ways, so if Im wrong point it out. I grew up with an ahole for a father, who left every year twice a year till one year he left for good. He thought I was a talentless waste, with no skills to survive in the realworld. I think the idea that your mother will undergoe change and needs to be supported is true. A break up is a very hard thing, even when you are begging for it, and know its the right thing to do. Be there for each other, you are so young and have so much a head of you, dont let it taint you like it did to me...Let go...just let go.....