The cold, gray fog surrounds me, wrapped in weather, on I stride. My heart is sad and lonely, thinking of the tears I've cried. I offered up my my soul, my life, my gift so freely given, Betrayed and spurned, I travel on, by desperation driven. I seek in lonely places and I seek within the crowd. I search in alleys, open spaces, where I'm not allowed. I go alone or ask for help, sometimes I find a friend, But when it all comes down, I'm going solo in the end. I'll have to stand alone until the sun begins to shine, Warming me with rays of hope and making me feel fine. The question now is will the sun betray me from the start, Burning, searing through my soul and through my very heart? Perhaps I should stay fogbound, safely cushioned from attack. Though cold, it is familiar, and I keep on coming back. I'm weary of the search for light and fearful of the pain. Hiding deep within the fog, I'm waiting for the rain. END I have been experimenting with this electronic medium and have begun posting my poetry on webpages, with backgrounds and music. I have this one posted here: http://tresamie.homestead.com/fogound.html I would be grateful if anyone would care to read both versions and let me know what you think...does this enhance the experience or not? Thanks, Tres

Frankly I think you need to go with your own instincts. If you feel the poem is enhanced by the music and the font and the background, then that's an artistic choice on your part and the experience you want for the viewer, and those of us who don't enjoy it will simply move on to a different experience. It takes a lot of courage to share a personal vision in public. I applaud you for doing that.

I wouldn't for the world pretend to be an adequate critic so what follows is an expression of personal preference and no reflection on your website...and I hope you know that one person's reaction is just that of one person and doesn't reflect anything else but the bias of that person.

So here are the comments (for whatever they are worth):

I found the font difficult to read (though it is better than the micro font that people seem so fond of using these days).

I also found the music distracting and immediately turned it off on my computer. Music forces its own rhythm into a person's head and unless you wrote the poem to be read to that particular piece of music, it distracts from the natural beat of your own words.

I like the background picture...it seemed to go with the mood of the poem without imposing a particular vision on me (I think the danger of graphics is that we don't allow the reader choice in how envision what is expressed in the words....as a reader, I don't always want help in seeing).

What you might consider doing is having the version with the enhancements and another without so people can choose. People with limited vision would need a version that their electronic Readers can scan properly (I didn't check to see if your poem's font was set onto the page as a graphic....if it is, then the electronic Readers couldn't scan it at all). One way to test for accessibility for those who have disabilities is to test your page in http://bobby.watchfire.com/bobby/html/en/index.jsp ... why bother? Because the community of people with disabilities is considerable and I don't think it hurts to be sensitive to their needs. A "vanilla" version with easy reading for those of us with limited or no vision at all is not a bad thing to consider (and takes up very little bandwith).

But if the music and the font and the background are important to your expression of your poem, I'd safely ignore any comments from someone like me and pursue your artistic vision.

I was impressed by both. The enhanced version gave more insight into the mind of the writer but as Dialyn stated it does tend to lead the reader down a specific path.Sometimes it is nice to have a clear view of the intent of the writer, a more rounded view so to speak. However as said before with the filling in of the gray area with pictures and music can be risky.IE: All of us have read a book and envisioned the characters and settings only to be saddly dissapointed when the book is made into a movie and it doesnt match our minds eye view. Overall I felt the enhanced version was wonderful!! As a side note: Thank you for pointing out the aspect of the inability of some to be able to access the web. I do web page design and must admit guilt in not being more conscious of this fact. I will however now take that into consideration on any further projects.

dialyn, The poem is, indeed, set into the page as a graphic. Unfortunately, in order to use an unusual font, you must set it in as a gif to assure that all who view it will see what you wanted them to see. Explorer and Netscape only support a very few standard fonts, and if the viewer does not have the particular font you have chosen in their files, they will see something far different than you intended. I was not aware that the readers would not read the gifs, thanks for that information. As to the music...I don't write the poetry to be read to a particular piece of music, but i spend hours listening to pieces to go with each poem. Occasionally, I have to use a piece that is not quite what I want, but for the most part, I am very picky about it. I have been limited in my musical choices because I have had to use only midi files, but that has recently changed and I will probably change some of my pieces to reflect that. Obviously I would never choose a piece of music with words in it, lol. Thank you very much for you thoughtful critique, I have much to think about. Knot4U, This setting, like most of the others I use, is quite generic, and usually just sets a mood. I don't use portraits for the most part, very few of the backgrounds have people in them...they are mostly landscapes or textures. Thank you also for giving me much to consider.

Well, I liked the poem, and found it to be an interesting and imaginative point of view. I'm curious what is meant at the end, though, were the person is "waiting for the rain." I didn't get a chance to view the other. Twice I copied and pasted the URL, but it failed to go there.

Attached Link: http://tresamie.homestead.com/fogound.html

Thanks, Chuck for the comments. I have had the last line interpreted various ways...waiting for tears to come...waiting for the fog to be washed away....waiting for the world to crash in...each valid to the person reading. For myself, it reflects a kind of hopelessness...going from fog to rain, which is even more dismal. I have put the address in the URL line here, so you should be able to just click for access, if the web will only cooperate. It has been driving me crazy for days now, saying that pages are not accessible. Good luck, and I hope you enjoy.

I like the feel of that site. "I'm waiting for the rain." yes... I think my heart knows what that means. I too, am waiting... I hear poetry a lot. My city is a poetry city. Every cafhas its favorite poet and favorite drunk. This, your poem, somehow touched me. I guess I must be feeling lonely. Thanks tresamie, Q

This poem is beautiful. Very sad but lovely. Funny how we can fear and dislike something but prefer to be there in the familiar than to go on into something we know is better. Especially where relationships are concerned. Thankyou for sharing this piece.

Thank you, Quixote, for your kind comments. I am always touched that someone has found meaning in one of my poems. What city is it that you live in? My surroundings are not so poetic, but places like this to share are helpful. I have some other poems with similar treatments if you are interested. Thank you, also, Caledonia. The unknown is to be wary of, but we need to go on with hope. It's nice to know I am not alone.

one of the biggest mistakes we can make is to think that we are alone or are the only one going through a difficult time. There are those who care.

The music would work for a movie or be great for a video game, but the sounds were distracting for me trying to read. This might work if someone was narrating the poem, with the music in the background (and the volume evened out so the interruptive sounds were dimmed.) Is the music yours? I do like it, just not in this context. Overall, I liked the poem, but the cadence seemed just slightly off. I've been wracking my brain trying to figure out what seems strange, but I'm not the best at poetry, and it could very well be me, not the poem. (When it comes to poetry, I advise everyone to trust other people's critiques more than mine.) I really loved some of the phrases you used, such as "wrapped in weather." I'd have to say, though, that "Warming me with rays of hope and making me feel fine" makes me feel cheated given the great phrases that you use elsewhere. I do like the last line precisely because it can be interpretted a few ways. It's definitely a poem I can sympathize with.

Crescent, you hit exactly the phrase I was (and still am) not happy with in this piece. I will drag it out once in a while to see if I can think of anything better, short of dissecting the entire verse. Thanks for your input.

tresamie : Sorry, I never got an ebot. I live near Ottawa on the Quebec side of the border. So I get to hear both French and English poetry. Again sorry for not answering sooner. Q

quixote, ahhhhh you live in Hull! I visited there once some years ago. It is a beautiful city. I only spent an afternoon there, but I remember it well. Tres

SSSShuuuuh! we're trying to keep it secret... :)

oops, sorry ;)