Only a fool would come to this godforsaken place. It was so far away from the sun that its light just cracked through the cliffs showing they were there. The atmosphere was frozen, but not as one homogeneous substance: Frozen methane would cover one cliff, frozen ammonia another, at still another oxygen would sparkle on the rocks. The cold brought all of the elements down, and a man that knew what was what could make billions. Starships couldnt carry all of the substances they needed as a gas or a liquid, but the solid, yes, stored in the cold. Food processors needed the methane and ammonia and the frozen oxygen for rockets as well. Only a fool would come here, a fool that wanted to be rich.

I don't do mornings. and that is one cold looking morning. I can see the story opening out to a full scale territorial war. Very cool, (sorry, freezing), place to start.

I was thinking of some poor mrthane miner wanting to renegotiate his union contract.

Cool. Family? underdog vs corporations? Secrets? Straight forward human drama? Aliens? Love to see more:)

Attached Link: http://www.renderosity.com/viewed.ez?galleryid=246762&Start=1&Sectionid=3&WhatsNew=Yes

what program did you use to make that pic? First time here, what do you guys write/talk about? ;) Oh check out my Mars pic at the link :) -JoeBlack

Good opening and closing sentences, but the paragraph as a whole is a bit stilted to me. It starts off conversational, goes into scientific explanation, then goes back to conversational at the end. If he's a school of experience type, would he use words like "homogeneous substance"? If he's a very literate individual, would he say things like "and a man that knew what was what could make billions"? The paragraph hints at interesting story possibilities, everything from "man vs. nature" to "man vs. corporation" to "man vs. man", but I think you need to find the tone of the narration to pull the reader in more. I hope we'll see more of the story and the narrator. Cheers!

We talk about anything to do with writing, from writing techniques, to authors and books, to posting stories and poems then critiquing them. (As you can see, posting pictures and writing the story behind them is also appreciated if you're interested in both.) We have some really talented people around, so if you're new to writing, don't let them scare you with their talent! We're a friendly, honest, and tactful group here. (Well, I can guarantee the others are tactful. I hope I come off as tactful as well.) Welcome aboard! Hope to see some of your writing soon.

Hi, JoeBlack (suppresses image of Brad Pitt)! You make me jealous. I just got Vue a few (pardon rhyme) days ago and already got lost tinkering. I like your Mars scene with the strewn boulders. I don't know how accurate it is, erosion and all, but it's a pleasing combination. Thanks for sharing it. BTW, slap a silhouette (ugh! my spelling sucks) of a person on that baby and tell us a story!

Hmmmmmm. I'm thinking about a lady first off...Hey how about that scene plus the writing contest?

I was probably wrong too...wouldn't the word be homogenous? meaning all the same substance whereas homogeneous would mean all arising from the same substance. In this case all of the elements in the atmosphere did not come down as one big mush, but as a lot of little this here and that over theres. When I studied organic chemistry we learned early that different subtances freeze at different temperatures and this was one way of seperating and purifying them. Methane is necessary for carbohydrates and protiens, while ammonia would be necessarty for amino acids. I thought food. Starships need to make their own food, and then someone shewed me the money. Territorial wars...now there's a possibility let me give it some thought.