LOL, Little tittles, that's so FUN... I'm giggling here like crazy!

Stinky is so beautiful with his eyes matching his fur. Extraordinarily beautiful!

Oh, I made a little fleece blanket for BriBri, and she slept under it last night! Adorable!  'm a bit nervous, I found couple little bumps on the back of her rear leg. She doesn't mind me touching and messing with them. Maybe they're some sort of old scars or something... Her fur is so nioce and thick, I couldn't see skin in that area.  I'm paranoid about stuff by now, I'm wanting every bump and nook and cranny checked and re-checked.

I love watching BriBri run around playing, she's still very kitten like. Storms around the house playing and chasing things, like a little pistol.  I lobe the side-stepping poofy tail trot she does as she is advancing on her toy-mice. Not real mice, but little leathery furry balls with a tail I found at the pet store. She LOVES them. When she's done playing, she grabs it by the tail, and brings it here.

I think as soon as we see some routine with the teenagers being home for the summer, I'll be able to figure out when I can get BriBri's sister.

I think I'll just title this: "Wizard with a bad hair day" LOLOL

Yep, I think the dog needs a walk.

Thanks :)  I'll keep trying. I tried a few times, and messed it up every time.
I'm sure it's a user error here, but I'm pretty close to out of steam messing with it.
I probably need to take a break LOL

Oh, brynna, that is a beautiful story!  I'm so glad you stopped by and shared it :)
The little critters are just so wonderful!  I love the names you gave them :)

I'm still working on my honey to let me take BriBri's sister. I mention it a few times a day, she needs her sister. he hasn't said yes yet, but he sort of stopped saying no.

Good article, thanks for sharing that!!!   Yea, in recent years I just let myself cry when I need to cry, it helps a lot. Makes you stronger afterwards. It sort of lets all the upset and bad feelings out, instead of piling up.

I would have run for the hills screaming too, but, there's nowhere to go, LOL, I'm kind of stuck to deal with it whether I want to or not.

I think being on anti-anxiety medication help, it's a low dose of Effexor, but it takes a bit of an edge off of things.  I did have one incident where I had a panic attack driving to work, and pulled over and called my doc, whom in turn called 911 and an ambulance came to pick me up.  They just gave me something for the day and sent me home... this was I think around two years ago... I forget exactly. It was amid a battle with IRS for some errors they made on my business taxes after closing down my business....
I didn't want to go through that ambulance thing again. It was kind of embarrasing, I wasn't that bad, I think.

I think I'm super lucky with my honey, he is very compassionate, and very gentle and helpful when he sees I need to cry it out.  (Well, he better be, he has a degree in psych)  Wonderful guy!

My ex was one of those whom thought crying was bad... which is a big reason he's my ex. Used to make me so mad when, if I got sad, he'd call me weak... which would get me really crying... but as an expression of anger. Couple times he was pestering me about why I cry, and not get angry at him when we fight. I told him I do get angry, and I either hae to cry through it, or I have to punch you out to release it. Take your pick!   :crying: :cursing:  LOL, he never expected that answer - the look on his face was priceless!

Overanalyzing... I need to check myself into OA - Overanalyzers Anonimous!

Thanks Emay, I'm glad it made you chuckle!

That's a good point about reactions you used to get when you cry... I was watching my moms reactions on the IM, and even my dads (he popped on for a little bit).  It was all, shhh! chin up, don't go crazy and all upset etc etc etc.  I've noticed some of that in the past.
No wonder I always felt embarrased to cry, their reaction wasn't, well, cry it out first... It was all, shush it up. My mon more then my dad, he's the more emotional of the two.

I think they just don't know any better. I haven't really seen much to make me thing that they do know better, but are uncomfortable with expressing it. Especially my mom, she still seems to think crying is a bad thing (in herself too).  You know how it goes, they love you the way they can, which is not necessarily the way you need or the way is healthy.   They're not all perfect (like me!)  ;)  LOLOL

... well, here I go overanalyzing again... It's entertaining, well, to me. I'm sure to others it's like watching someone else's vacation pictures, blah blah blah blah

I need to charge my camera and take some new BriBri pics!

Quote - Sorry but have a look at the posting time. And, what is unfair? What is wrong in my posting?

So, calling someone 'a little bit nuts' is just fine in your book?

I mean, I can understand the sentiment and wanting to tell someone off, or wanting to put someone down etc, Most of us aren't the epitome of prim and proper behavior.

What does baffle me when people do it, and then go, unh, huh, what? I didn't do anything wrong, what did I do???...

Makes me wonder if they are a bit dense, of if they actually think everyone else around them is a bit dense, and they're getting away with it.

The guy that you linked to got ahead of himself thinking he's ready to sell clothes, lot of people do that.  I'm willing to bet you that the poster you linked to never so much as read Rendo's product submission requirements and guidelines. This means that his personal lack of knowledge about things is not indicative of store standards or your percieved lack thereof.

Thank you guys for such wonderful support! I'm feeling better today. I hadn't been able to take a shower yet (it's 3PM) the plumbers have been here all day rerouting the water pipes in the house to fix the leak...  I'm about to crawl out of my skin... I hate going without a shower.
But, my mood is much improved today.
Maybe a mild euphoria will kick in for a chage, I get a lot of stuff done when that happens (then after it's done, I spend couple of days feeling totally exhauseted LOL)

Thanks emay, listening helps tremendously. Just letting me type it all out makes me feel a bit better, sort of heard of, even if there's no practical difference. I hope I'm not burdening you with stuff, and you can let it in one ear and out the other. I can be my worst enemy beating myself up for not being stronger. It's nice to hear from the outside that I do have a bit of a reason to feel the way I feel.

I'll get through it. I always somehow land on my feet with a lemonade glass in my hand. But, while I'm flying through the air tumbling and spinning around and screaming, sometimes it's hard to see which way is up. Like I said, somehow I always managed to land on my feet and lick off the scratches, or so I keep telling myself. I guess it's a cat thing, smack into the wall head first, and then act like... um, I meant to do this, and, uh, [whisker twitch] I'm fine [whisker twitch]!

Luckily I have a few xanax left from couple of months ago, that's keeping the worst under control. I also learned that crying it out always helps for a while. It's embarrasing to have to cry, but afterwards... it's like taking a good crapper, you feel relieved.  My anxieties can be bad, but luckily my depression is not so bad.. or I've developed a sort of a duality. Feelings are on one side of the room, pouting and waiting for a hug, and the logical side is trying to figure out what to do to improve things... and sometimes the two fight for attention.  ....  So it goes.

LOL, I IM-ed a little bit with my mom today to bring her up to speed (whom is still over in Croatia), and the conversation boiled down to, well, I hope you figure it all out, and eat more brocolli, it has anti-oxidants in it. She's about as useless as she's ever been. No wonder it took me till after I moved away from home to develop more emotionally. I get more sympathy and emphaty from you guys here then from her.... But, she has her problems too...

On a good side, Bri Bri is being wonderful. She knew something was up with me today, and made a super affectionate showing. She's such a good little baby, and a little smarty pants. Loves to play with the little mice (the fake mice you get at the pet store). Grabs it by the tail and carries it around to play. Then when she's done playing, she brings it back. Not exactly where she got it from, but somewhat close.

Eh, I'm rambling again. Thanks a bunch for listening hugz

Sorry for the long one, I just had to het that off my chest... Thanks for listening.
It has to get better! Just has to. 
Usually I can make it happen, except for last 4 years....

Quote - Oh please don't say that!  Maybe it's not what you fear.  Perhaps you have polyps or cysts in the ovary on that side.  I know that can cause pain.

You really have had it rough lately, haven't you?  :sad:  You know that we are all pulling for you here.  {{BIG HUG}}

Yea, I have a tendency for cysts, that's how I ended up with an etopic pregnancy 4 years ago.... after a lifetime of doctors telling me I can't have kids (without major stuff done) because of ovarian cysts. Something like that.

Things have been seriously going downhill after that.
First a bout of depression after the etopic pregnancy.... it was horrible, your whole life, you're told you can't have kids, then you're suddenly pregnant, and can't figure out what to do, then you're in the emergency room with pain, then you find out it's not viable and could kill you, and have to have it taken out. (I was living alone when it all happened)

I was still trying to mantain my business at that time, but that, and a breakup of a 10 year relationshiop before that took a LOT out of me. A company approached me with an opportuynity to expand my business within their company, and thinking some structure would help me stay stable, I went for it.

A year into that Shortly after I moved in, we discovered his son is very ill with Chron's disease (an autoimmune thing) abd that I have scleroderma (an autoimune thing too, similar to lupus)

Two years into that (a year and a half ago) we had to close that down and I was laid off, because there was no work due to the economy. I knew it was coming, so in order to not end up on the street, my honey and I decided to move in together, even though it was a bit too soon (with his kids not being out of the house yet, and his divorce wasn't really final yet). Unfortunately, I still had that high balance business creditcard I was responsible for paying.

Shortly after I moved in, we discovered his son is very ill with Chron's disease (an autoimmune thing) abd that I have scleroderma (an autoimune thing too, similar to lupus), and My ex, whom is also a dear friend was diagnosed with bladder cancer.

Then two months after the layoff, we had a sewage backup in our house from the street sewer malfunction, half the house was torn up.

Few months after that, my honey's grandma passed away.

Two months later, I broke my foot. A month latter Bubba was sick wioth a BIG abscess that I thought was a tumor.

When that and my foot healed, Tiggers got sick.

And now this, and the bank thing, and people not paying me, and the bank being after me (and the IRS too because of some business stuff)

My physical, mental and financial resourses are ALL exhausted. If my honey's grandma didn't die and left him a bit of money, we'd be out on the street by now. I feel like such a failure for that :(  We also have up to the hilt mortgage, because we had to buy his ex out of the house when the prices were still very high, and we can't refinance and don't qualify for any bailout stuff, because we're past being in a "little trouble". Most of those things are for people whom aren't really in trouble anyway.

Oh, and we had a building slab leak in the house this week, so the plumbers are tearing up the house again to fix that, and the homeowners insurance says they don't cover it. It's a 3K repair.

I swear, when does it ever stop??? I need a break and some good luck for a change.
I dunno, why I'm mentioning all this, not to whine, perhaps I'm trying to convince myself that I don't break down that easily, but too much is just too much.

Thanks... Sorry I'm rambling about all this... It's all way too much to deal with.

I've never been the type to 'wait for the other shoe to drop'.
It's like the other shoe has dropped, then again, and again, and again, from all sides. I never had that many things fall apart at the same time. At least my honey is stil around.

Between my kitties and my health and work and a 'significant other', (Not much in a way of other family), I never had all but one thing go wrong that close together. In the last year, everything but one went up-side down.

I've always been so self-reliant... this is horrible.

Thanks!
I've been having a lot of aches and pains in last couple of years, there's a constant ache in my right hip and sometimes in my lower bacck that we thought is maybe arthritis. Now I'm thinking it's cervical cancer that has spread.

I will have insurance come June 1st, but it's costing us $500 a month, so I don't know how long we'll be able to keep it. I can't find any work right now that has health insurance, or that pays enough to keep up (like my engineering job used to).
We're quickly eating up any reserves we had from my honey's inheritance. It may be all gone before the end of the year. His paycheck doesn't cover but maybe 1/2 of the bills, even before the insurance hit.

People that I did major work for in february/March, that owe me around 15K haven't paid me yet. The funds are coming from government (County and Caltrans) work, and that can take months and months. Unlike the bank, I have no power to try and collect it in some way.

We're kind of getting screwed left and right. Maybe it would be better if I was dead anyway. Then I could be with my little Tiggers again.