Thanks for your comments. I'm glad that you enjoyed the photos. Joe

dialyn: Very impressive, both the sestina and the graphic. Are you a very analytical thinker? I think you're probably a lot better at this stuff than you claim to be, but in a more structured way than a lot of modern poets. You hearken back to the classics, I think.

Welcome to the pack! Nice first submission. I'll check for more.

Very strong. I like the visual language that makes it come alive, especially the colors: onyx, inky, scarlet. Add an apostrophe for the possessive in "the ground's upheaval" and I think insistent has an "e" rather than "a". I think the two end lines are very strong, and also evocative of some classic work that I can't finger at the moment. Is it "The bell tolls, it tolls for me"? -Joe

Attached Link: http://www.wordsmith.org

jstro- I must admit, it does help restore a bit of the enthusiasm and get me thinking that maybe getting some pieces published is a possibility. Let me also publicly thank you for the feedback on my submission for the earlier version of this contest. Though you may have noticed I never actually got a revised version of "Symmetry" completed and posted (I know, I know, procrastination will kill you...), I really did appreciate the thoughtful feedback. It helped pull me in to this forum. Since the new filter on the server at work has blocked Renderosity, I may not be checking in quite as often. But I'm still around! Send me an email y'all if I'm missing some of the good stuff! Joe

Go right ahead. Do we get any royalties, perhaps in hamburgers?

Yipee, hooray! Very exciting. Can't wait to get mine. Congrats to the rest. Thanks to the regulars around here for giving feedback, helping to toss around ideas, and generally making this a great place to hang out. The story I submitted actually had its birth about 10 years ago. I never wrote it down, but I've had the basic plot structure just waiting for a chance to come out. At about that time, rejection slips from other magazines killed my desire to actually submit anything else. But when I saw the cover image, I knew that it was my story. It was a good exercise to actually get it down "on paper" and then shave it down to 1500 words, but exceedingly worth it. I'm psyched! Joe

Now that I've written the above, I of course find that dialyn's original link addressed it better than I did. Check it out.

I think another question is "Why?" Why do dreams change? Do they change because they are squashed? Do they change because we change and realize the dream simply holds no fascination? I know that I have dreamed of writing a successful novel for at least 15 years, but have never had the opportunity to really have a go at it. In the meantime, the novel of my dreams has changed somewhat, though it bears a recognizable resemblance to the original, I think. I've actually had time to try my hand at short fiction. I've received a small share of rejection slips, enough to stop the submissions for a time, but not enough to kill the dream. I'm curious, dialyn, as to why writing the 2.5 novels did not satisfy your need for expression. Did you find you didn't actually enjoy expressing yourself? Were you frustrated that you couldn't express yourself the way you wanted to? Did others not appreciate your expression as much as you thought they would? I personally have too many dreams and interests to be able to work on all of them now. I'd probably need a few lifetimes to accomplish them. But I keep dreaming, and will work on a dream as opportunities present themselves. Joe

1. "Do this with a keyboard hit just like the examples and the book code do it." It is "do." The "examples and book code" are a plural subject of the clause. Therefore, they "do" the action. Not they does. 2. I'd say they are interchangeable, since both dark and darkness, used as nouns, indicate the absence of light. However, to me "darkness" connotes more of a gradation of absence of light, while "dark" is more absolute. 3."He wanted to leave as quickly (quick, fast?) as possible." A purist would say you must use quickly, since it is an adverb modifying the verb "leave." Fast and quick are both adjectives, modifying nouns. However, fast would generally be acceptably used as an adverb. "To leave quick" would probably be pounced upon by the majority as an error, though "quick" is sliding toward acceptable use as an adjective. I would certainly avoid that, myself. 4."It is that one pitch in a thousand you see in slow motion; its wings beat (beating) slowly as a hawk's." Since that sentence is pulled out of context, I am a bit confused. I don't know what the "it" refers to at the beginning. As is, there seems to be a disagreement in tense. The first independent clause contains a present tense verb (is) while the second uses what seems to be past tense (beat), though that could be present as well. Again, without context I'm confused. If it is meant to be be present, "beating" as present progressive tense is clearer, with the recommended punctuation change. 5. I agree completely with Crescent's explanation on this one.

"Flesh" is very strong as well. I'll have to admit that while the lyrics evoke some strong, queer imagery, I'm not sure I can figure out the exact subject matter or its circumstance. So relieve my curiosity... And I suppose the music would help for "Mindkiller." I won't agree to split lyrics from poetry entirely, but I recognize what you are talking about in shifting the accent to strengthen the rhythm.

dialyn - "to write one sentence so clear that it rang with the sound of truth inside the reader's mind" Well, with that one, you come pretty close. And you say you're not a poet. Regarding, "writing is the art of trying to achieve a moment of pure, crystal clear meaning," sometimes that takes precisely the right word. I think ChuckEvans has made some pretty good points above. I agree that word choice needs to depend on the audience, the characters in the story, and one's purpose for reading, especially whether it is for entertainment or education. I try to mix the two at once, personally.

I like it! Your choices of words and expressions definitely fit the selective mind-wipe you explained. I almost wish you had presented the poem first and the explanation after. The rhythm feels a little irregular to me in the first stanzas of the "Mindkiller," whereas it is much more insistent in "Josephine."

jgeorge- As an American, I would call a piece of furntiture in which clothes were hung a "wardrobe," though that word seems very British to me, while I would call the small room or built-in space as jstro described a "closet." to anyone interested- Regarding telomeres, I have read several articles comparing them to the little plastic caps at the ends of shoelaces. Apparently both structures serve to keep the underlying fabric from fraying. In chromosomes, telomeres get shorter after each cell division. When they are "worn away" the DNA unravels and the cell dies. Thus, we age and die, and are in fact programmed to do so after a certain number of cell divisions. Stop the wearing away, and theoretically at least, you have a shot at immortality. (That's why cancer cells can go on dividing forever; they produce an enzyme, telomerase, which keeps repairing the shoelace cap, allowing uncontrolled division.)