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Subject: Please read the Job Description and...


Shoshanna ( ) posted Tue, 16 September 2003 at 8:35 PM · edited Mon, 02 December 2024 at 9:41 AM

say what attracts you to it and why you think you would do it well. What relevant skills/knowledge/personal attributes do you have which could be applied to this job? Draft One. Here are the reasons why I am attracted to this job. As if you didn't know. 1)I want the payrise please. I don't know how much of a payrise I'd get, but more is always good. I would be good at getting more money because since I became interested in computers, I have become very skilled at spending it. 2)I want the wonderful ability to boss everyone else about. I would make sure I did this a lot. Soon I would be the most experienced manager at bossing, I could even train other managers in this skill. As the mother of a teenaged son I am already highly practiced at arguing illogically in order to get my own way. 3)I want to find out all the dirt about some of the more interesting characters in the office. You might think it's confidential employee information, but it would be my job to know this stuff. I am hoping to find out some truly delicious gossip, thereby achieving the stated company goal of enhancing my employee delight. I understand that I would only be allowed to share this dirt with other managers. Or friends who asked nicely and promised not to tell. 4)I want to swish round the office safe from work because I'm wearing a suit and holding a piece of paper. I already have a suit, in fact I have several. I know how to carry a piece of paper about with that 'got to dash, I have important things to do' look. I could promote the illusion that I am filling a vital role with ease. 5)I want to tell my team I'm going to a meeting, only to be spotted holding the meeting out in the sunshine in the smokers area. I have many years experience lolling around smoking. I would also be prepared to take on additional coffee drinking duties. 6)I want a go at driving the workforce mad as I try out all the tunes on the managers mobile phone. I know how to get the most amount of satisfaction out of these little pleasures in life. I understand the need to give the workers something to complain about that will distrat them from the awfully boring job they do. 7)I want the managers access to the computers enabled for me. There's this woman at work who bores me to tears and I would like to spend a few minutes each day resetting her permissions so that she gets all the worst work. I also look forward to throwing her out of the processes she is working on, then denying it was me and accuse her of deliberately slacking off work. That will teach her to take the last blue chair. Those red ones have concrete cushions. 8)Most of all, I don't want to have to sit at my computer keying all day. Please? As you can see I have a good understanding of what the job of Manager entails, and let me tell you, after doing the lousy keying job for the past six months I'm about due up for some fun out of this company. You're not buying me off with free bars of chocolate and the occasional fake cream cake any more. Don't laugh, I'm seriously considering putting this in for real. I probably wouldn't get the job, but it might be worth it just to see the reaction. Shanna :-) Searching for inspiration, and finding completely the wrong sort. Just thought I'd share.



dialyn ( ) posted Tue, 16 September 2003 at 8:44 PM

Well, I think you'd get a job as a humorist. I'm not sure you'd get the job as a manager. I'd hire you but I like honesty....not a trait all bureacracies encourage (I work for a city, I know honesty is not appreciated).


Crescent ( ) posted Tue, 16 September 2003 at 11:34 PM

Sounds better than what my current manager does. She'll go on vacation and people won't notice for several days. As far as we can tell, she holds meetings. We haven't a clue what these meetings accomplish except to drag our supervisors away (mixed blessing as our supes are actually useful) but she's very good at holding meetings.


dialyn ( ) posted Tue, 16 September 2003 at 11:35 PM

Hey, I didn't know we worked together. :)


lavender ( ) posted Wed, 17 September 2003 at 1:22 PM

This was awfully cute. Although my husband has been a manager for the past 10 years and his job doesn't seem to match your description at all except that he does in fact make more money than the people who were under him back when he actually had people under him. But then, he doesn't work in an office either. I'm afraid I don't know how to advise you on getting the job either, my husband got his by showing up to the interview in a suit. Since he was applying for a managerial training position in a video arcade this was sufficiently rare and insightful to impress the district manager interviewing him. "Whaddyou know, someone who thinks managing an arcade requires that you be a manager not a video game addict. Wow!" Best of luck with the application, though, Shanna! Let us all know how it goes.


pakled ( ) posted Wed, 17 September 2003 at 8:56 PM

Attached Link: http://www.theregister.co.uk/content/30/

ya know what you need? might Make you feel better? The link above, look for BOFH, there's about 7 years of them scattered around the web, but this has the most recent ones..although the earlier ones are funnier..especially if you deal with computers..;)

I wish I'd said that.. The Staircase Wit

anahl nathrak uth vas betude doth yel dyenvey..;)


Crescent ( ) posted Thu, 18 September 2003 at 9:43 PM

I am a BOFH, actually. I also assist the help desk when it gets busy. I had a woman yesterday call up and chew me out because the "after hours desk" (a bunch of yo-yos who resent manning the phones when the real help desk goes home) made a bunch of promises about getting her printer fixed immediately and failed completely to anything for her. Well, I understood her annoyance and busted my butt trying to find out what was going on so I could help her but she really ripped me a new one. She didn't appear in our system though as I tried to find out what was going on. I finally asked her, "How are you logging onto the network?" She told me she was using someone else's accounts. (Major no-no - it can get you and your manager fired.) I explained to her it was a security violation and needed to be fixed right away. She said, "I'm a temp. You need to talk with regular company personnel. I'm not going to deal with this." She then hung up on me. Okay, I talked with regular company personnel - the IS manager - who agreed that I needed to cut off all her network and phone access immediately. She then called up to find out why she couldn't print, access e-mail, or answer the phone. The help desk had to keep from snickering as they told her the accounts were locked and why. She then had to go explain to her boss why she couldn't get any work done, not even answer the phone. If she'd been reasonable, asked me how to fix the security problem, I would have worked with her and tried to get things set up so she'd have as little downtime as possible. Now it's going through regular channels and it's going to take at least a week for her to be able to work. All because she was too busy to deal with this. She ain't too busy now. Job satisfaction is rare, so I treasure the moments I get.


Shoshanna ( ) posted Mon, 22 September 2003 at 7:54 PM

Although I chickened out at the last minute and decided to put slightly more emphasis on my communication skills and experience teaching adult literacy and numeracy. I'm a THEM. Shanna :-) ps, thank you for the link pakled, I'd never come across those before. I loved the job interview and cv ones. I don't actually know what a BOFH is though.



dialyn ( ) posted Mon, 22 September 2003 at 7:56 PM

Attached Link: The explanation of BOFH

Good job! I hope it is something you thoroughly enjoy that still leaves you time to come and hang out with us. :)


lavender ( ) posted Tue, 23 September 2003 at 8:05 AM

Whoo hoo! Hula Beavers! Welcome to the world of middle management where you get it socked too you from both directions. (But they do pay you more than the peons, as a sort of a compensation.) I hope it goes well.


Crescent ( ) posted Tue, 23 September 2003 at 10:56 PM

That's great! Don't forget us little folk as you rocket towards CEO-dom and $148 million performance packages. ;-)


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