I don't think I've ever used the "notify AOL" button myself. I send an e-mail to abuse@aol.com, and have gotten fast action every time. Of course, the fact that I was likely not the only one complaining might have something to do with it. :)

The Star Trek erotic fiction newsgroup was told by its lawyers that they were on safer legal ground by not moderating. The group is moderated, solely and wholly to keep out spam. Everything that is not spam is allowed through - off-topic, child porn, whatever. Every once in awhile there's a brouhaha over someone posting Wesley Crusher smut. But the mods said their lawyers told them that if they edited for content, they'd make themselves liable...not just to U.S. law, but to laws everywhere in the world. They'd be put in the position of worrying about age of consent in a hundred different countries, not to mention laws on homosexuality, fornication, adultery, etc. So nothing is edited, and everything except spam is approved.

I wonder if AOL came to a similar conclusion? Or if they're just being cheap...

I have seen cases where what happened on the Internet didn't stay on the Internet. I got pregnant by a guy I met on the internet! Twice! Of course, he did marry me first, but that's totally beside the point. ;-) bonni

ROFL! My college roommate found true love on the Internet, too. She moved to a new town where she didn't know anyone, so posted a message on AOL asking if anyone wanted to go to hockey games with her. Someone responded, and the next thing I know, they're married with a kid. :)

I met my best friends in the AOL Red Dragon Inn. AOL had that whole blow out with the Department of Labor Class action lawsuit in terms of lack of compensation and their Volunteers. So, revenge plus being too cheap sums it up nicely.

"You obviously took it seriously enough that you got the police involved. If it was so "inconsequential", why did you do that?" The threat came via email, and not the public newsgroup where I was playing; that's enough to make anyone take further steps as a simple precaution. I never said that all threats are inconsequential either, but that they are rarely serious. I literally cannot count the number of idiots who have foamed and raged about what they'd do if they ever got their hands on me, assuming they could be arsed to get out of their mothers' basements. "Just because I refuse to stoop to their levels doesn't mean that I can't hold my own with online bullies :) I can bite if I have mind to." That's all that's required :) "However, I find that reverse psychology is much more effective than reducing yourself to pond scum level. You see, the last thing these freaks expect is for you to treat them with such extreme kindness that it comes across as "pity". If someone is nasty, just be really nice. The more nasty they are, the more nicer and sickenly sweet I'll be. Eventually they get tired and move on :) " I just call it sarcasm (evil grin).... /P

"At any rate, AOL will eventually have a Jenny Jones moment where someone does fly, drive, walk or crawl somewhere and do terminal violence to someone over their Linux V. Windows or Poser v. DS or whatever chat and then the place will suddenly become safer than 1600 PA. It's already happened - in Singapore, a guy stabbed a former gaming partner because the guy sold something of his on Everquest and kept the money. Aside from that incident and perhaps a handful of others, compared to the hundreds of millions of human beings who play on the Internet? Like I said - you'd have better odds at winning the Powerball jackpot... literally. /P

Quote - I just call it sarcasm (evil grin)....

In the 6 years that I've been online, I've met my share of jerks.

One guy used to stalk me from forum to forum and community to community dissing me. I finally got tired of the little twerp who was something like in his very early 20's, and turned the tables on him. Man did I have fun. I made it sound like he had a huge crush on me and that his following me around and "teasing" me was equivalent to the little boy in grade school pulling the pigtail of a little girl he likes. I told him that he was wearing me down and that if he kept if up he'd have to take me home to meet his Momma. Then I'd emote pinching his cheek and tweaking his nose and blow a kiss at him, LOL Each post he made in reply got nastier and nastier, and the nastier he got, the more "turned on" I got. In the end I was telling him "You're the man!" and growling, LOL

I got many PM's from people saying that they were tired of that creep and the way he harassed and stalked me around, and were going to jump in to defend me, but they saw that I had it more than under control. LOL The guy soon stopped stalking me around and actually thought that I was in love with him, LMAO We had a great laugh at his expense behind his back.

Another time a couple of years ago, I met up with this nut who asked me to make a website for her and her online community. Over the 3 weeks I worked on that web I got to see sides of her that she kept hidden from the online community. She was a nasty one.

Anyway, before I saw her true sides, I was trying to help her set up her community and showed her some examples of friends' websites. OMG! I was aghast to see her post an announcement of the opening of her community, only to see that 99% of what she had on the web for content came verbatum from my friends' websites. She denied having copied their sites and refused to take the stuff down, so I contacted the sites and pointed them in her direction. Man, was she ticked.

After that I had a big red bulls eye on my body. For months and months she did whatever she could to try and "defame" me to others... and the lies? wow....so many that she couldn't even keep them straight.

She also had a forum, which in the beginning she used mainly to post about me, and if she didn't like what someone posted, she would remove the thread and edit the posts to more her liking, and deleted posts that she didn't like at all, and then put the thread back pages and pages shorter, LOL She would also create multiple online personnas and reply to her own posts in order to make it appear like she had huge support for her "cause" LOL

She had a few people that she "hated", and used her boards as a primary way to diss them. It was hysterical to watch and I took her comments, threats and fabricated stories about me with a grain of salt. I sent the links around to all of my friends and it was better than reality television.

I started to play up being in the spotlight and the amazement that someone like me from an obscure city in Canada could garner so much attention. I even did the "fame has gone to my head" routine and started to refer to her and her members as "my subjects", LMAO

Eventually she got tired of feeding the "attention seeking whore" and moved on.

I knew she was a fruitcake, but she was a convincing fruitcake. She would have made a great cult leader because she had a way of convincing people that her words were the truth, even if they weren't. It took some people awhile to see what she was like, but they soon came around and realized she was really psychotic (overtime her actions and behaviour got more and more bizzar). She eventually alienated the majority of the people within the community and found herself banned from many places. She seems to have dropped off the face of the earth from what I've heard. Message edited on: 01/14/2006 12:43

As Acadia said, Option number 4 in your list is basically the same as becoming the bully yourself. Frankly, I'm a better person than that. And I've been online since 1985, on the internet itself since 87'. I've seen it all.

Mizrael, I have to disagree with that. What makes a bully a bully is that he/she initiates things for nefarious purposes. It's not the tools or techniques that they use, it's the motive. Option 4 refers to tools and techniques. If someone draws a gun on you and in response you draw a gun on them it is self defense - not premeditated murder. You may have elected to use the same technique to defend yourself that they used to attack you, but the motive is the defining factor. A gun. Aggressive behavior. Kindness. Sarcasm. All are a means to an end (motive). The end (motive) is what makes the difference between a hero and a bully.

Disagree all you wish Boba, I've seen it all before. Flaming people in defense is not the solution, but you don't have to take my word for it. You'll figure it out yourself someday. When you lower yourself to the bully's level, they've won. Becoming an, as Penguinisto calls it, Asshat to fight at the asshat's level, does not give you the victory.

True, their objective is to not only press your buttons but rial you up to the point you behave just like them, and that gives them a feeling of victory of having achieved their purpose.

I won't give them the satisfaction. I have relatively thick skin, and when I need to I order more in :) I would be lying if I said I didn't get frustrated at the actions of some people on the net, but patience is a virtue and I just look inside myself at where I come from and how I was raised and wonder how bad their home lives must have been in order for them to have to resort to such petty things in order to make themselves feel superior or noticed. That gives me all the patience I need in order to deal with these people. Do I consider myself above them? No. I don't consider myself above anyone, nor do I consider anyone above me. In my eyes we are all people and we are all equals in life. But I do feel that I'm above their type of behaviour.

Message edited on: 01/14/2006 19:40

I'm afraid you misread me. I didn't say it was "the" solution. I said it was "a" solution and mentioned other techniques as well. I have seen a number of different types of techniques work in different situations. My point was that the technique isn't what brings one down (or up) to another's level. It's the motive. For the record - using a physical metaphor - if a bully backs you into a corner, swings at you, and you duck it then swing back (same technique) and you lay him out flat on his back unable to get up, you are the one that won. Fighting is never a desirable solution, but sometimes - only sometimes - it's the only option. Unless, of course, you're willing to be injured or die for your principles. ;-)

Addendum: I do respect those who are willing to take personal risk for their principals. I hope my statement didn't come across as mockery or sarcasm in any way.

There is no need to be abusive to another person, People who abuse others do so because they are scared and shallow and do not know how to communicate with others. So they abuse others because it is all they know how to do.

Attached Link: http://www.gamegirladvance.com/mmog/archives/2002/10/21/online_bullies_give_grief_to_games.html

Not always. Some do it purely as a means of entertainment and as a source of fun. That link is to an article about grief in MMORPGs, but the same mentality applies to all aspects of cyberspace, be it in a game, chatroom, or a discussion forum.

Very interesting article!

Yeah and as an online MMORPG player I'm extremely familiar with "Grief" players and posters. For that reason alone I hope 'Rosity add's the much needed "Ignore User" feature to their forum software in my lifetime. It makes reading the forums self sanatisable by the user and cut's down on flames.

PS - I probably wouldn't have called Option number four lowering yourself to their level if it had been worded differently and been less inflamatory in itself but saying "Flame his ass into Oblivion" pretty much proves my point that you're lowering yourself to his level.

;-)

Well, I'm not going to get into the whole stalker and online annoyance thing. I've been on the net since '93 and I've had my share of run-ins with psychos (and for a while in the middle 90s I was a bit of a psycho, myself, but I'm okay now and I've got a psychiatrist's report to prove it). I mean, yeah, LadySilvermage stalks me, but it's okay because she's so darned cute and tall. ;-) Best revenge I ever got on a serious net annoyance, by the way, was to marry the bastard's brother and endear myself to his entire family and produce this generation's only grandchildren. >;-P bonni

ROTFLMAO! That's not an option for everyone Bonni. I know Arnold Schwartzenegger did it in a movie once, but men having babies is a bad BAD idea! o.O