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Subject: My WIP Critical comments preferred


scoleman123 ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 2:35 PM · edited Mon, 25 November 2024 at 9:44 PM

Attached Link: WIP

What do you all think?

 facebook.com/scoleman123


rickymaveety ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 2:53 PM

The lighting is too harsh.  I think you should soften the shadows.  Also, the focus is too wide.  I realize that you want to make it clear that this is a grave marker and that someone has died, but then you have these two smaller items on the marker that should be the real focus of the work.

It looks like one is a locket (honestly, I thought it was .... well, I don't know what I thought it was until I figured out it was a locket), and the other a letter.  If you are going to leave your focus as broad as it is, then you should consider a little dramatic lighting so that the locket and letter are highlighted.

Then, if you are going to have snow on the grass, kill the bright green color a bit.  Also, consider putting some snow on the concrete and the marker.  

That's all for my comments.

Could be worse, could be raining.


scoleman123 ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 3:38 PM

Explination:

Size: the image will be printed at around 35 inches.

Lighting: harsh, but it looks better in print. same with the bump.

The letter is blurred so, until the final print so you have to wait until its finished.

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rickymaveety ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 3:53 PM

All the more reason to have a dramatic focus.  At 35 inches, the eye needs a focal point in the picture.

You may think that the hard edged shadows will look better in print, but at 35 inches, it will look very much a render .... unnatural.

Could be worse, could be raining.


Conniekat8 ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 5:34 PM

I'm not 'feeling' the image, and it appears that it is meant to convey a strong emotion.
The architectural elements seem to overwhelm the feeling of the image and the person it is supposed to alude to.
Architectural elements should be there just enough to alude towards what happened to the person, rather then make me think, hmm, I wonder whom did the crisp marble etching and concretework (because it's so noticeable).

To fix some of this, Letter should be a lot bigger, and the locket in the foreground, at the bottom of the letter. You might want to selectively blur some of the background features, as if they are out of focus.  The cross in the foreground detracts from the letter. You can still see it's a headstone without the cross, and it will give you more space for the letter.

Also, if you tone down the contrast between the different marbles, it will help refocus the image to the letter, and the emotion, and away from the architectural elements.

Right now, whn a perso nfirst sees the image, they see the stripes, the cross, and all the lines draw the ir eye off and away from the image (in the top left direction), which is why they need to be toned down... so a viewer can stop and focus on the letter.

Even though the letter is a big white spot in the middle, there is so much strogh white/light around the outside of the image, the paper brightness is not enough to draw the viewer into it. Locket, which seems to be ather important to the story in the image should be very up close and noticeable. Also, it is turned in the same direction as the stripes, and it has the same black/whiteish coloring, it sort of blends in, little bit like a camouflage. If you want a viewer to stop and look at an element, create a visuall barrier... Like a croswalk across the road.

Overall, you are on the right track with the concept. If you toy with some of the above, it may add a lot of extra punch and strong expressive emotion to your image.  :)

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mboncher ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 6:30 PM

The one thing that gets me is that it lacks "shape".  It feels too, two dimensional.  Even a simple rose would add a touch of color, plus a feeling of thickness.  Better yet would be a stuffed animal, vase of flowers or wreath.  Something that could give a feelign that the image was "thicker" than 2 inches.  I knwo it's a flat gravestone, but that's why it needs something to push you out some and give focus.

 

mdb


Conniekat8 ( ) posted Mon, 13 November 2006 at 6:38 PM

Yeah... Putting the locket in the foreground would help with that, perhaps not opening it all the way through would also add to the effect. Also, one of the corners of the letter could curl up (probably the far one)

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SevenOfEleven ( ) posted Fri, 24 November 2006 at 12:32 PM

Just a quick plug, we have an art theory forum and a monthly critique thread too.

What type of day is it?
Is it overcast or sunny?
If its a sunny day, then you need to make the shadows bluish. The sky is a light source too.
It its an overcast day, then the shadows have to be softened a lot. On overcast days, you don't have a direct light source, so all the shadows are very weak.

Maybe you could move the viewpoint closer to the letter but leave a little bit of the grave marker unless you want the grass in the picture. Can't go wrong with parking the camera near the objects of interest.

If you reduce the brightness of the marble (diffuse), can make the letter more prominent.

Whatever you do, do not expect descriptions to explain what your picture is doing.
Make sure your pictures can speak on their own. Can add notes for more details but what you want to show should be right there in the picture.

I stink at eyeleading, can't see/feel it too well but maybe you could project a shadow of some tree limbs, you might get some eyeleading to the letter since viewer's eyes follow the outlines of the grave marker. That won't make sense if its an overcast day. See what you could do with shadows.


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