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Subject: Writing frustrating/shocking expressions


mtone ( ) posted Fri, 11 May 2007 at 3:57 PM · edited Fri, 22 November 2024 at 10:17 AM

Quick questions:

  1. What kind of words should I substitute if my character is angry and says "Holy (bleep)"?

  2. Basically, the same question as question one but the phrase this time is "Oh my g--...". Oh my goodness is a good substitution but I don't think it makes the character sound as mad as the original expression.

  3. Do you have other tips on writing angry expressions without the character swearing?

Thanks.


dialyn ( ) posted Fri, 11 May 2007 at 5:04 PM · edited Fri, 11 May 2007 at 5:08 PM

Does the character need to say anything? Could he/she smash a miror, punch a wall, crush a rose in his/her hand,  spit, or kick a car or shred a treasured photograph, crumple paperowork or tip a table over?  One deputy director I worked for got so frustrated with her boss that she threw a binder across a desk in her boss's general direction.  Not a word was spoken. No doubt she was angry.

There's a lot of ways people expresss anger and many have to do with a physical reaction that  doesn't needs a verbal expression. Some turn red and refuse to speak to the other characters (the angrier I get, the more silent I become--the more silent I become, the more dangerous I am to argue with).  You could have another character comment, "better leave Jim alone...next person who crosses him is going to end up with his face removed."  

Instead of curse, promise a nasty result.  "Say one more word and the next bullet is for you," is pretty typical for a detective story. 

I remember an old timey Western when one of the character's said another cowboy was lower than a rattlesnake's belly.  I knew that wasn't a compliment even though I was quite young at the time.  "Why you son of a hyena....."  certainly doesn't sound flattering, but it's going to be an insult most people who aren't hyena lovers.

I'm sure you can come up with something more original.

Whatever you decide to do, make sure that it is natural for the character.  Unfortunately thorugh lack of education and illiteracy, in real life a lot of people can't think of more than one or two words to say and they say them over and over again wtth yawning predicatabilitiy, but a writer can  chose to make their characters more verbal no matter what their level of education.

Take a look a Shakespeare. His characters come from every socio-economic allevel, but they are all expressive, and uniquely so.  Dickens too.  His characters have most imaginative turns of phrases.  You learn that Uriah Heep, who continualy says what a 'umble man he is, is saying that he is 'umble as an angry mask for how he really feels.


mtone ( ) posted Fri, 11 May 2007 at 5:31 PM

Thanks for a lengthy reply.

I want my characters to say words instead of making actions.

How about shocking expressions? Do you have any tips for that? For example, if a person saw another person got run-over by a car, he or she would probably say the phrases that I mentioned above. Are there  any alternate phrases that you can recommend?


dialyn ( ) posted Fri, 11 May 2007 at 5:44 PM · edited Fri, 11 May 2007 at 5:47 PM

Well, if I saw someone run over by a car, I might scream (rather than say any specific words).  Its hard for me to speculate since i'm not your character...and that's the root of what expression would be made.  What is in keeping with the nature of you character?  Some people would say "oh, no, no no," and just keep repeating words ou of shock, while other people   would hold on to their emotion and call 911.

I'm not an expert on shocking expressions.  I guess I'm not the person to be able to anwer your question. I prefer suspense to shock.

Good luck. I hope someone is able to come up with what you need.


mamabobbijo ( ) posted Sat, 12 May 2007 at 2:15 PM

I work at a school for boys. NO SWEARING ALLOWED! When they do I make them write the same sentence 10 or 15 times, relpacing the offensive word or phrase. They are incredibly creative. Often they surprise me, my favorite is , " Oh, cussword, cussword, cussword!" It gets the point across without using the offensive language. 
We often have the air filled with, " What the diddly hoorah..?" , " Have you lost your tiny mind?" and the ever popular, " How in the bogslime..?"
Depending on your audience, this exercise might help. Good Luck. 
BJ


jstro ( ) posted Sun, 13 May 2007 at 8:34 PM

Well, when I got hit by a car (as a driver, not as a pedestrian), I saw it coming. I slammed my fist on the dashboard and shouted at the top of my lungs, "Noooooo!" It's amazing, when I'm really mad or hurt I tend not to cuss. Cussing usually comes out more conversationally. I'm not particularly proud of that, it's just the way it is.

Things I do say (I do try not to cuss) are:

You son of a dog
You son-of-a-son-of-a
That just sucks out loud
What in the cat hair are you doing? (I stole that one from my sister.)
I can't believe you did that!
Jeez Louise (some may consider that too close to cursing – I don't.)
Not good.
and the ever popular, Oh oh.

Most of these are uttered sub vocally, or at other drivers who never get to hear my incredible creativity. ;-)

A lot of people tend to swallow there words, particularly at the end of a sentence or phrase. So you could just let the old ellipses do your talking for you:

What the...
You son of a ...
You stupid...

Dyalyn is right. Whatever you do just has to sound natural and in character. I realize that some people cannot bear to use curse words in their writing, and that is fine. But if your character is a hard core criminal who has spent time in prison for not being a very nice person it's not going to sound very convincing if he tells someone, "I'm going to kick your bottom."

~jon

 
~jon
My Blog - Mad Utopia Writing in a new era.


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