Mon, Nov 25, 12:02 AM CST

A Terrible Wake-Up

Writers Realism posted on Nov 20, 2005
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Description


Wrote this for my g/f. She had to write a short story for her teacher as well, so I wrote it for her. Well, here it is, so enjoy. WARNING: Some real life occuring events, and pretty sad. A Terrible Wake-Up Sarah opened her eyes, the light from above shining bright, causing her to close them once again. When she finally could open her eyes to look around, she realized that she was in a hospital bed. All around her were bouquets of flowers, from roses to petunias to daisies, the colors seemed to make the room brighter than it already was. Suddenly, Sarah got a huge pain in her head. She reached up to touch it, and foundt her hand meeting bandages wrapped in a turbin-style around her head. It suddenly came upon Sarah that she had no idea how she had got here. All she could remember is her name, her parents, and where she lived. She knew that she was a juniorin High School, a member of the cheerleading squad, and was an A plus student. She also remembered her boyfriend, Jordan, and how they have been dating for almost two years now. That's when she felt another pain, this time in her gut and heart. The recollection of what happened suddenly hit here with full force. Her and Jordan went to the movies, just like a normal Friday night. It was New Years eve, and they thought they would celebrate by going and seeing a new movie that came out, Scream of Terror II, both of them having seen the first one about a hundred times at home together when they laid around being together and cuddling. After the movie, Jordan and Sarah walked to his car, got in, and started driving to take Sarah home. They had just gotten on the highway, and were behind this semi-truck, laughing and tlaking about how great the movie was, when all of a sudden, there was a loud screech, and the semi-truck in front of them had jack-knifed, causing JOrdan to slam on the brakes really hard. But, no matter what he did, the car still slammed hard into the truck, Sarah's last memory and thought being how she thought she was going to die. Now, she looked around the room, hoping to find someone in the room to help her figure out what happened to her boyfriend. No one was in the room, and Sarah looked instead for the call buzzer for a nurse to come in. There, in the bed, neatly placed by her lap, was the buzzer. She picked it up, and pushed the red button three or four times rapidly. Before she knew it, two nurses and a doctor came rushing in, and when they saw Sarah, they got a look on their faces of complete joy. The nurses started crying, and the doctor came up to her. "Call her folks, tell them she's finally woke up!" The doctor said, a tall black man wearing the usual white coat and khakis that almost every TV show with doctors usually wore. One of the nurses nodded, then rushed out the door and down the hall. "Where's Jordan, and how long have I been here?" Sarah asekd, noting the way the doctor said 'finally'. The doctor's expression suddenly became very grim, and he pulled up a chair next to Sarah's bed and sat down. Sarah felt her stomache jerk again, and knew she was about to get bad news. "Sarah..." the doctor began "Jordan..... forgot to wear his seat-belt. The impact of the collision was in the front, and Jordan went..... through the window. Luckily, you were wearing yours and only hit your head, causoing you to be in a coma for the past week or two." The doctor spoke these words, and Sarah was glad she was lying down, because if she had been standing, she would have collapsed to the floor. "Is.... is he.... alive?" Sarah choked out the words, but already knew the answer from the doctor's even more grim expression. "The glass cut him very bad, and by the time paramedics arrived at the scene.... he was gone..." The doctor placed his hand on Sarah's hand, and she jerked it waway, bringing it to her face along with her other hand, then started crying loudly into them. She felt her heart stop, and she felt like she couldn't breath. Her love, her joy, was now gone from this world, and she didn't even get to say good-bye. She remembered all the date's they had went on, and how they even started tlaking about getting married and having at least two or three kids. Now, all of that just seemed to be a bad nightmare in her mind. "Sarah.... I'm sorry that Jordan didn't make it... I wish I could tell you how much I feel your pain, but no two experiences are alike I think.... if there is anything I can do, just let me know. I'll be back when your parents get here." And with that, he got up, gave her a short comforting hug, then left the room, leaving Sarah by herself again. Of course, now, it was appropriate, because she really DID feel alone. She remembered as well always telling Jordan to wear his seat-belt, but he never listned. Now, it had really cost him his life, while she lay in the hospital, completely alive, with jumps a couple of bumps and bruises. Sarah's parents arrived about ten minutes later, running in to find their daughter crying loudly into her pillow. Her mom was the first to embrace here in a hug that caused Sarah to breath even less than she already was, then her dad came and hugged them both. They were all in a fit of crying and relief. "We thought.... we lost you!!" Her mother cried as she continued to give Sarah a big, giant hug. Sarah gently pushed her away, and tears still ran down her cheek. "Jor-jordan.... he's... he's..." Sarah stammered through her water-works, but her mother hushed her. "We know sweety.... we went to his funeral, and we couldn't help but feel abit relieved that you weren't the one in that coffin. But, we still criedd over Jordan." Sarah's mother said through her tears, her hands on her daughters shoulders, squeezing them just enough that they barely hurt Sarah. "He was a sweet, kind young man. He was such a gentleman, we really are struck with grief tht he had ot go out like that so young and in such a terrible way!" She errupted into yet another burst of tears, and hugged Sarah again. For the rest of that day, they cried and sobbed, talking as best as they possibly could through their tears about how nice Jordan was, and what had happened. Apparently, the driver of the semi-truck had fallen asleep at the wheel, and awoke just in time to slam on his brakes to prevent from hitting another car. He was now on trial for causing the accident and death of Jordan. Sarah couldn't help but not feel sorry for the driver, thinking that he was the only reason why her love wasn't by her side. Sarah finally was released a few days later, the doctor saying all she needed now was just to go home and get rest there, it being the best place to recover at instead of a sick-people infested building. The first chance she got, Sarah told her mom to pick up some flowers, and drove to Jordan's grave. His tombstone was nice and big, and had "Jordan Freeman; 1987- 2005" written in the middle, along with "A devoted football star, son, friend, and boyfriend". The tombstone was practically buried itself in a mass of flower, from tulips to carnations. Sarah foundt a nice place to set hers, stood up, and stared at the tombstone. "I wish you were here by my side... and not six feet in the ground below me." She began, talking to the piece of large marble. "But, your not.... instead, your in a better place now hopefully.... and I can't help but feel and think that I deserve to be right there with you, by your side." She started to cry softly, and pulled a tissue from her pocket, and wiped her eyes. "WE never really got to say good-bye to each other..... or get married.... or have three great kids... but, I want you to know, that I miss you...sooo much..." Sarah felt herself on the verge of breaking down, and felt like she was gonna collapse to the soft, wet earth. "I just want you to know.... that I'll be with you one day.... maybe not tomorrow... or the day after that. But one day, I'll be with you again..." With that, she fell to the ground, and leaned forward, kissing the smooth stone slab, then pulling back to look at it one more time. "Good-bye love.... and please wait for me..." and with that, Sarah got up, turned around, and walked back to the car, letting go all the tears she had held in through her whole good-bye speech.

Comments (1)


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drace68

5:23AM | Mon, 21 November 2005

"A Terrible Wake-up" works well as a chronicle of events. You stay with Sarah, watch her and report to us (limited omniscient point of view). There are several glitches in grammar, which annoy. Otherwise the chronicle is complete, believable, and sad. There is a mini-story in the first six mega-paragraphs: Sarah wakens, is disoriented to find herself in a hospital room, aid rushes in, the memory of being with Jordan in the car, the truck swerving, her appeal about Jordan, and the truth hits. The story ends with, "Sarah..," the doctor began, "Jordan..." All the rest about her grief and sharing the burden of that grief with her mother, etc. is epilog remove the epilog. [If minimum word count important, expand her angst at being in the hospital and not knowing.] - - - - - - Your explanation ahead of the text is ambiguous: did you write this piece for g/f, or for g/f to hand in as her own work? Dick


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