BIO
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I have fluctuated between writing things about my state of mind and writing about my life as we know it. Most of the time I'd just delete everything and leave it all blank. I've decided to just ramble on from time to time and let the crap stay. Kind of a log file, just as hard to understand, and just as worthless to most...
May 08 2009: Posted an issue I feel strongly about. Alienate a lot of people. Need to talk to someone. Tried talking to friends but we are all dealing with the same s#it - the loss of a friend. Tried here on Renderosity. Nobody will talk.
May 14 2009: Took some time off to let go of some anger. Hope to post again. I really want to delete everything. Been a member since 2003 so I know how it works. I am just getting so tired of everything.
May 18 2009: It's so desperately sad that my life has come to this. I had hoped there'd be something better for me. I used to think I had something to say. But my private ideologies gave me away. I tried to keep my mouth shut but it's always the same over and over and over again.Today I got it wrong again but it's not surprise. Once more heaven has forgotten me. So everybody clap your hands together and close your eyes, as I watch my world collapse. Don't waste your sympathy on me because I made this mess. My mistakes happen with so much success but I drag you all down into my sorry mess. I said I was sorry but it's always the same over and over and over again. I have been doomed from the first time I tried to find something to say I kept hidden inside. It would be much better if I just smiled and lied. ...
June 5, 2009: Things are not good. I know I should blog. No body reads this. Most web users skim at best. So I am safe in leaving behind scraps of mental illness in my wake. Things are NOT good..
July 10, 2009: It's all turned the s#it - i'ts ALL s#it.
November 25, 2015: I am amazed that I still breath. Whenever I begin to feel as if I have no Hope, I hear a whisper in my ear that reminds me I AM STRONG.
...at least for one more day.
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Comments (4)
newhere
Sounds like a girl i know
claridad
Really wonderful artwork yoshi. I understand what you write but take notice of your acknowledgement "funded by those who had never come across such troubles". Sometimes that is the only way a person can respond, it isn't that they don't see, they do and that is why they respond financially. There are so many stories on the streets, so many ways one is lost. There are even those who want to remain lost, and given an alternative, would reject it. Each of us must take one day at a time in our environments and see how we may take a step towards wholeness, whatever that means for each of us. Disabilities do not excuse lack of action, whether they are mental, physical, or due to lack of personal experience of the suffering of others. The challenge presents to all of us on a daily basis.
Synapse
Suzanne said it so well, I have nothing more to add, other than I love the title in its context: when I see the statistics I sometimes feel almost ashamed to be male, so I applaud any statement of compassionate support towards women who have been broken.
ACS-001
This is a gorgeous peice of artwork and I hate that so many are wronged, but I'm a little confused by your message. If you're saying you hate men, I disagree; my kind have done awful things as well (a fact that most are afraid to face), and because of this I know gender has nothing to do with it. The problem is human beings -- we're all capable of horrible atrocities whether we like it or not, so it's up to the individual to thwart or at least deal with that inert feeling. Sorry if I've misinterperated your message. And Synapse shouldn't feel ashamed to be a man. A mother is beating the crap out of her kid somewhere right now, and that doesn't make me ashamed to be female. I just want it all to stop.