The Epiphany by leanndra
Close
Hover over top left image to zoom.
Click anywhere to exit.
Members remain the original copyright holder in all their materials here at Renderosity. Use of any of their material inconsistent with the terms and conditions set forth is prohibited and is considered an infringement of the copyrights of the respective holders unless specially stated otherwise.
Description
The Epiphany
I have been humbled these last few days since my last post. I have received encouraging comments, instant messages, even e mails from members of this community. I have received insights from comments left to other writers.
The kindness and caring of others, never ceases to amaze me. Perhaps that seems strange to you, I don't know.
I want to digress just a bit to give you an insight. Some of you will know this from conversations we have had. Others will have surmised it.
Having grown up in a severely dysfunctional family, my siblings and I never knew what 'normal' behavior was. Yes, I know, that word, 'normal' ; by whose definition? For the sake of this writing, let me just say I will define normal as what a reasonable person would do.
I was for many years, and still am to some degree, a 'people watcher'. I never knew how to act in a given situation. I never knew the correct response. I never caught the verbal and non-verbal cues that most people get seemingly through osmosis. How people ascertained those cues was to me as baffling as grasping the principle of osmosis. It was a complete mystery to me. So I have lived most of my life, trying to guess what others expected of me, and tried to act accordingly. I watched people act or react in certain circumstances and that was how I tried to function in life.
I was a work-a-holic. How simple to know the guidelines, the boundaries. For many years it was my only source of positive feelings I had.
I collected ceramic masks, harlequin masks, clown masks. My constant reminder that we all, at times wear facades. Some of us more than others. I hung them in my house, in all the rooms. It seemed somehow to comfort me.
I have always read that as people get older depression usually lessens. Mine did not. It became more and more pronounced. I withdrew deeper and deeper into myself. Hiding from life, dangling me feet into the ocean of life, but never jumping in. I wanted to participate, but was terrified of participating.
Consequently my fears grew, they congregated and had a discussion. "Look at Lea, she is open, lets get her!" They fed upon each other, insatiable, uncontrolled. Getting more and more blown out of proportion. The inner child, ever running to escape the inescapable.
What is the inescapable? This is the Epiphany:
Many times there is no justice for what was done to you. You can still live a life of justice.
Many times there is no closure. Unless you yourself close the door.
You cannot move forward while looking over your shoulder. Remember Lot's wife?
You CAN live in the past. The rate of exchange is TODAY. It is NOT worth the cost.
Some parents are just crappy parents. It doesn't have to ruin your life.
Life is not about what you learned from your parents. Life is about what you learn from LIVING.
Thank You to Helen, Robin, Christine, Stephen, Patti, Randee, Mike, Kat, Dan, Ginny, Richard, Marion, Stefano, chill09, Ben, micsteel, Brian, Linda... You all are 'balcony people'. I am so blessed that you and many others too numerous to mention here have given me the insights that you have.
Leann
23:46 1/11/2006
Comments (13)
sazzart
'At's what friends're for. Hugzz~SAZ~
eryt
Thats why we're you buddies, Lea...and double hugzz at ya, Tiger! ~Robin~
heartnsoul
As I sit here reading your work and admiring your artwork I thought my God, how beautiful and insightful. Coming from much the same background as you I do know and understand. So many is the time I feel like a late bloomer. But this is one thing I do know. Every moment we have lived good and bad, has made us the person we are now. Has brought us to this point. If one thing changed, one millisecond, I would not be sitting here reading a heart rendering write such as this, and be as profoundly touched with tears in my eyes as I am right now. I would not have come to know such beauty. It is moments like this that I am grateful for every moment lived. The good and the bad. I look forward to reading more of you. ~Michelle~
btm1228
We all wear masks from time to time, what can be hard is remembering to take them of when we are looking in the mirror. Believe me, I know from experience. Wonderful piece. Thanks for sharing Ben
Richardphotos
I read something in a eamil last night. if you are in a hole stop digging! you will make it Leann because you are a strong person
Maori
As I had stated in my last comment; Life goes on and should we.. Sometimes even though we know there's a God and profess to be Christians some of us still have no faith, remember.. everything balances out in this life at the end, we just have to be patient and wait for the sky to clear up. This old man has had his share of tragedies and has gone through a lot, but I refuse to fall in a cave and stay there an give up. I refuse to feel sorry for myself. I just thank God for tragedies and everything bad that life has thrown my way for it has made me a stronger person. Take care, Leann.
lgmac
I truly believe that we all have our crosses to bear. It's how you handle them or what you do with them. My life was not an easy one, but I refused to let it get the best of me. Every challenge that has been given to me I have taken head on. Forgiving (and it is hard sometimes) can lift the biggest weights off of us. I believe it helps to cleanse the mind and soul. I feel for you in your time of pain and confusion. I hope things work out for you so that you too can feel cleansed in mind and soul and spirit.
TallPockets
Most excellent piece, young lady. Your wisdom on your ephiphany is well placed! Some people never learn what you have learned. Now, write a self help book. Send a copy to Oprah Winfrey. She started Dr. Phil. She might as well start Dr. Leanndra. WINK. T.P./brian.
FlameGrower73
Very awesome and wise insights, Leanndra. I hope we can all put some of these principals into practice. The world will be a lot saner place if we do!
chill09
Your words are words to live by and very inspiring-an epiphany of course!:) It is far too easy to want to live in the past and not move forward-bravo to you and your fighting spirit! As I get older I'm beginning to find there are few "normal" households-maybe just different degress of abnormal. Some people just have sturdier masks than others. Well-thanks for your kind words and I hope you are feeling happy today!
artice
THIS IS VERY MOVING AND FULL OF LIFE AS MANY KNOW IT TO BE:WE ALL EVERY ONE CARRYS A CROSS: IT BE LONGS TO EACH ONE THERE OWN: SOME ARE VERY HEAVY SOME ARE VERY SMALL-SOME ARE LARGE AND TALL-COME IN ALL SIZE'S-THEY ARE WHAT WE BEAR THROUGH LIFE-TO HELP US GROW-TO TEACH US MANY LESSIONS ON THE ROADS OF LIFE-AT DIFFERANT AGES-LIKE CHAPTERS IN A BOOK-EACH HAS ITS TALE OF DEPTH LOVE AND WOE-PERFECTION IS WHAT WE BECOME AT THE END OF THE ROAD-A ROUGH DIAMOND AT THE START-A GEM AT JOURNYS END..GOD BLESS MY FRIEND..K
blacq_nyght_vampyre
Life is a Beach!!! Go Swimming!!! Pick up shells and keep the pretty ones and throw away the bad ones. Learn from the tides of change. I love you.
meico
Superbly written words of life learning leading to real wisdom. Your experiences have obviously had a profound effect on you, yet you've come through on the other side with great fortitude and courage. Your conclusions are, of course, common sense - but then common sense is the least common of the senses for most people. Excellent! Hugs, Mike