Thoughts in the Dark by leanndra
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Description
Thoughts in the Dark
I am so tired of the constant uphill battle of life! It only gets harder the older I get. Sometimes I feel I am flawed beyond repair. The vessel that the Bible speaks of , the one created to shame.
I have fought my entire life, to just exist, and I am sick to death of it. I am tired of the pain and the anguish and I want it to stop! And I feel powerless to make it stop, short of dying, and I am robbed, even of that.
I think about death a lot. How easy it would be to walk over and take all the pills and just go to sleep and never wake up. See I wouldn
Comments (10)
btm1228
Interesting how the dark will bring out thoughts we might never have had in the light. It is almost a type of freedom, if only briefly. Thanks for sharing....Ben
sazzart
One big key to being on the Recovery Road is getting it it out, all the bottled up fill-in-the-blanks that hinder us adversely. You got where you are cuz you're a survivor-Checking out is easy, I've thought about it many occasions, never did it, obviously. Yes, 'living' can be draggy @ times, but hey, if there're weren't challenges, we'd become non functioning due to terminal ennui, IMHO. Keep on keeping on, it gets easier as time passes, I should know.
MrPsiquedelico
wooaaow! my sister took her own life ! we are all still mending! nobody saw it coming . there is so much pain out there , it is what makes us who we are sadly! but the good things that happen in our lives also make us who we are ! life is a constant learning curve and LIFE is a gift not to throw away! the pain I have seen and felt at the time feels like it will never fade but inevtiably it does! my creative outlet is a great vent for pain! what doesnt kill us makes us stronger someone said ! it is true! thankyou for sharing this with us! it has shown your soul to us ! take care my friend
Richardphotos
a very good friend of mine took his life and I'm still am mad that he felt that was the only way out. he was a very intelligent hard working person, but let pain medicene rule his life. as everyone has heard , life is not fair. but I say slap in the face and keep on going. we die soon enough without rushing it. I have thought of suicide but am too big a chicken to do it. I would probably screw it up and be a veggie
eryt
I also had a friend who committed suicide..and the devestation it brought to his family and loved ones was overwhelming. I often wondered if he had thought about those results of his action..would he really still do it? He devestated many people..he is out of his misery...and they live with it for the rest of their lives. In my heart I feel you are a fighter..you have had such huge battles to deal with...and you have made it this far...maybe a bit worn and scarred...but, with all that you have had to deal with, you have survived...that makes you a winner... Peace and Happiness to you, Lea... Rob
TallPockets
"It is strange how our minds work, the thoughts that pop in at the oddest times.' -- Well now, young lady .... If you were to compare your thoughts to mine most rational peoples would consider YOU far more sane. WINK. You are one of the truly lucky ones, in my humble opinion. You have figured out why you are you at this time period. That's the good news. The bad news is ignorance as to 'why' you are you is no longer acceptable. At least, for you. For me, many claim 'ignorance' is my middle name. WINK2. You sound alot like me. Don't think so hard. Just enjoy the ride. Ups, downs, curves, and all the best ya' can, ok? Get James Taylor's Greatest Hits II cd. "Secret O' Life" song. PEACE to you, kind soul. My best, TallPockets/brian. EXCELLENT WORK!
FlameGrower73
Incredible insight and sharing of pain, Leanndra! So much wisdom is born of pain and suffering. Perhaps that's why God allows us to suffer; it brings us the kind of deep and mature wisdom that a life of uninterrupted happiness would deny us.
blacq_nyght_vampyre
Deep and emotional. Beautiful and moving.
artice
YOU HAVE SO MUCH HIDDEN PAIN..MY HEART GOES OUT TO YOU IN A BIG WAY..WHEN YOUR FATHER DIED-YOU WERE SET FREE..IF YOU HOLD ON TO THE UGLY PAST-YOU TRAP YOUR SELF,,I KNOW YOU MUST FEEL CHEATED AT TIMES OF THE CHILD HOOD YOU NEVER HAD..AND SEE THE AWESOME STRUGGLES YOU MUM WENT THROUGH..SCARED WE ARE FROM OTHER PEOPLES WRONG ACTIONS..WE ARE THE VICTUMS..AND NOT TO BLAME..HEALING TAKES YEARS..GROWING PAST IT..TAKES FORGIVING WITH "HIS FORGIVENESS" NOT OUR OWN..ALL GOOD THINGS COME FROM A POWER BEYOND US..WE DO FEEL PITY AND SAD AND EVEN LOVE FOR THE FAMILY MEMBERS WHO DESTROY THEM SELVES AND TRY TO TAKE US WITH THEM..MANY PEOPLE NEVER THINK--ABOUT THOSE THEY HURT ALONG THE WAY--THERE SO INTO THEM SELVES THEY CAN NOT SEE ANY ONE ELSE..TILL IT IS TO LATE..AND SOME NEVER SEE ANY THING--THEY HAVE LOST SO MUCH..LOVE FAMILY..FRIENDS..A HELPING HAND..YES..WE HAVE TO GROW STRONGER DAY BYE DAY..YOU ARE BLESSED EVERY TIME YOU GRANDCHILDREN SMILE AT YOU OR SAY I LOVE YOU..EVERY TIME YOU SMILE BACK-THEY WILL REME,BER YOU..AND I WILL TOO!!
shaienne
I alone was there with him as he drew his last breath. I wish I could say that being with him when he died set me free, but it didn't. I don't think it would have set you free. What hurts is that it didn't hurt to see him die. He taught us well. ~shaienne